Make 2008 my best year yet

what i want to see here written for week 47 is that i started doing my egoscue e-cises, finished decluttering phase and started organising phase (yummy!) and continued meditating. and started taking my omega-3.

there is this nice free program for mindmaps, called FreeMind.
i put all my roles and current goals in it and that simple act refreshed my excitement!

i continue to build it with ideas and links and i totaly love it. there are links to my goals on 43T of course; as well as other resources. it is so comforting to discover this simple tool to have virtualy all my resources in one place. i feel scatered no more.

i wrote everything in affirmative and past tense like already achieved. what is actually done is marked green. i’m surprised how many branches of it is green already. green and alive.

my life still on hold with 4x/w visiting my SO taking care of his mother recovering from stroke. 4x/w is too much for me. they need to hire someone to help.

second week that i’m alone at home, slowly regaining power over my surroundings. finaly i am at charge!

i took again my real age test – i recommend it to all! – and not surprisingly i’m 3 years older than my chronological age. need to seriously take care of my body and self.

i started self mgmt workshop.

my MIL who suffered stroke was released home. my OS moved to her and i went there after work to help him what i could.

she is not that bad, day after she was released she could sit on her own, her hand coordination is much better. i expected she would figt for independence, but. it is all about her attitude. OMG help her.

being alone at home (and SO previously removed majority of his magasine piles – that last weekend while she was at hospital) i managed to declutter living room.

before vacations (late vacations i had month ago) i managed survival only: home was stabile, my cooking and eating was doing great and i thought it is nothing, since i had no time left for my other goals.

that week before vacations exosted me totaly, vacations itself was not that bad, but when i went back, i soon found myself in the same devastated state i was when i left.

month later i am still the same. totaly stressed out. this time my surviving mode looks like huge sucess to me. if i only could take care of our food and house that would be great.
i spend an hour daily in the kitchen and that is all i am able to produce currently. after work i veg in front TV like never before. and i am so stressed out i sometimes yell at someone.

i had different phases in my life but this one sucks.

p.s. it could be saturn in my 1st house

i went to vacations and it went well (best yet!!)
my horizonts expanded, now i’m back home and feel pressured to go back to old life i had before. i resent it. (both, old life and pressure to diminish back to it)
i want more of it than just a memory of feeling that it could be better… and weekend was horrible, i cried my eyes out; i hate when somebody promise me something i want more than anything, and then don’t lift a finger to keep a promise. it is cruel thing to do. he feels sorry. i feel devastated.
oh i need to build a life noone can harm in any way… bottom line.

“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it: Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.”
- Goethe

my new strategy is working! i’ve decided to focus on only couple of things at a time no matter what. currently it is meditation, food and excercise.

meditation: skipped not a single day. i plan to add 2nd meditation gradually over time.

food: dedicated all my time to food and i dropped 1% BF during first 5 days! i hope to have the same results with less effort soon.

excercise: overdid it first day (e.g. didn’t rest after that) so it took 4-5 days to heal. preparing food consumed all my time and effort. i want to break free!

somehow, swimming is utter luxury in my mind. and something i am able to do only when i feel strong. i need to change this and accept swimming as something i do no matter what.

i visited dear friends yesterday who helped me tremendously. we discussed my top goals and plans (i made a timesheet to show them)- i’m so happy to have someone qualified and willing to share advice!

end result: now i have different past than i had before. amazing gift! now i really understand why my plans weren’t working. there is real hope.

dear friends are willing to encouradge me down the road! i was honest with them abut our disagreements – they would prioritize differently. for me top priority (now that i have given up domestic chores) is to 1. meditate, 2. eat healty, 3. be fit. this is something that they couldn’t understand becouse they have that all settled already (so it is a non-issue to them). i told them that this is something i am not willing to give up. after that i can dedicate myself to other priorities.

main thing is to pick up one thing only, and become dedicated to it (obsessed) until it is done (or become a habit).
talking to them i become aware that i am not willing to become an asket in order to fulfill my goals. i don’t want yet another chore after chore in my life! i want to become hedonist!!! i want to enjoy life, get up the couch, out of the house! enjoy my meals (i simply adore vegetables but “haven’t time” for it), pamper myself! dare to make my dreams true!