get a degree

This really really really needs to be done. And not just for career-type problems and money.

Getting a degree is the only way for me to somehow get to the next part of my life. I know that sounds bad, like I’m totally living in the future or something. It’s just that my life is so cluttered, I hardly know what to do with it anymore. In truth, things have gotten a lot better, but I still have demons following me around, and it will be that much easier – I know form experience – to deal with them or leave them behind, if I get to move on from this stage in my life.

I know that if I can just get enough energy and pull myself together through this last hurdle of writing my bachelor thesis, I’ll be out of here! I’ll move to a new place, to new challenges and new people, new experiences and a new perspective on life. I want that, but I have to constantly remind myself of it so I don’t slip. Energy is hard to come by sometimes.

This entry is for me to read when I get too tired, too lazy or too sad to go on.

Right now I am so fucking scared that I’ll never finish my degree, that I’ll never get to go to England and I’ll never be proud of myself.
The topic for my thesis was just rejected, and I can’t seem to stop being totally hysteric about it. I don’t knwo where to go from here or what to do. I have no ideas for topics and have thousands of thoughts going through my head at once and they just give me a headache and add to my panic.

I haven’t felt this fragile in a damn long time.

I wrote an entry that said that hopefully this would be my last semester and that I would be finished by March. This is February now and tomorrow I am going to enroll myself for next semester, which is finished by September.

The new goal is: May. I want to be done in May. sigh

I’m in my final (HOPEFULLY) semester at university. If everything works out I’ll have my Bachelor of Science by March next year… Wohoooo!