Have my first kiss

I was really drunk and this guy took advantage of that. To my dismay, he planted one square on the mouth, and I guess I kissed back for a second but quickly decided against it. Ugh, I wasn’t even into the guy.

So I don’t think this counts. I won’t check this off until I get my first sober one! Hopefully a sober one that I actually want haha.

One of my close girlfriends just got engaged last week…
and I have not been asked on one date in my whole life. And I’m about to turn 18.
This is so embarassing. What is wrong with me? Am I really that repulsive?

Why can’t I meet guys?! How come the ones I know aren’t interested?!

Ughhh. Help me, someone.

On New Year’s Eve…we had a small get-together of about seven girls and two boys. Well, we were playing a few games like “Screw, Marry or Kill” and “Truth or Dare” but eventually we just asking each other questions…like who is a virgin and stuff.

I didn’t mind that, but the worst part was when everyone was supposed to say the number of people they have kissed. The average was about four…and one of the boys quickly counted 12 off the top of his head!! I didn’t answer the question…I was too embarassed. I mean, here’s a kid that can’t count on both hands…and I don’t even need hands OR feet!!

Seriously, this sucks. Anyone had any experiences like this?!

It’s kind of hard when nearly all of your friends are no longer virgins, and you’ve never even kissed a guy.
I mean, I’m proud to be a virgin…believe me. But I just don’t understand how its so easy for some people to get to that level with a guy, and how hard it is for me to even flirt with one.

I feel like such a baby.

The closest I ever came was with Steve. He actually liked me and I was so stupid. For some reason, I didn’t take my chance. Now I feel like I won’t get another…

He led me on…and then he just ignored me. And I never found out why. We never talked about “us” and I feel like its too late. It’s been a few months since then. And now our friendship has changed. Now it’s so confusing.

I need to talk to him still, though. I just need to find the courage.