get on the road to recovery

I’m so glad that I do. I feel very fortunate that I have one. It helps.

Good things have been happening.

More good is going to happen for me.

I feel it every day.

Something even better – including me getting better is going to happen soon.

I will be the one to make it happen. I can do it.

And my cheerleader will cheer. RAWWW! RAWWW! RARR!

There is always a way out and I know how to find it now. I can not say with 100% certainly that I am totally recovered, per se, but I am very close. In a recent appointment I exclaimed “I’m healed! I’m done with coming here! Time to celebrate” but then I promptly went back on that garrulous claim. I want something to HAPPEN.

The other day, I wrote in big letters on my calendar

“NO ONE WILL MOVE YOU FORWARD BUT YOU!”

and

“Getting what you want takes work.”

These claims are quite obvious to most people, but when you’re stuck like I was and not seeing a way out like I used to do, it is hard to see them even if you KNOW them, deep in your heart.

I am coming to know these things and working hard to make changes in my life that will move me forward.

I did yoga on the beach on Sunday morning with my friend. I think I did yoga for an hour or so, looking out at the water and opening my heart to the sea. She stopped doing it and walked off to get her camera, I think. I hardly noticed that she was gone, nor did I realize what else was going on around me. I was really focused and very zen. I listened to the waves and the breeze. I took it all in and enjoyed the very essence of each of those precious moments. I did king pigeon and I stared out at the water and I was so wrapped up in the beauty of the moment that I almost felt I could see myself, look at myself from the outside to the in. I was transparent, then. I still am, now. I felt so much power, gratitude, self-worth and peace in that moment. I think I am healing. It was one of the most powerful experiences of my life and I feel like I know how to make myself better now.

So I am working on finding balance in my life. I knew this was the issue before I started going to therapy and now in therapy we are working on ways that I can find balance. Last night I went to spin class and then I wrote for 2 hours. It was so fulfilling. It was the best day of my life. I know that sounds crazy to say that but it really was. And today is even better. I’m so happy. I need to believe that things are going to get better for them to actually start to get better. I believe. I believe I can be a published author. I will be one. I will make money on my writing. I will be what I want to be!

Doors are starting to open. Either that, or I’m getting better at finding them. A positive mindset has been key to my immediate recovery, and I’ve talked with someone about daily methods to keep myself positive like picking flowers on a walk, taking a relaxing bubble bath with cedar or eucalyptis scents in the background, or lighting an energizing candle and meditating for 5 minutes. Other things that have been key to my recovery:

1. Doing yoga as often as possible. Yoga allows me to focus on the present moment and it’s just me and the mat when I’m in yoga. Everything is simple, I don’t have to worry about my job or my relationships or stresses. My slate is wiped clean in yoga and I am able to focus on what is important which is love for myself, love for my body, and finding a way to shine out of my heart. Good yoga instructors should bring out these feelings in you—search to find one that does. Good yoga instructors help you focus on the positive and gently nudge you towards having a positive body image as well as a positive mind image.

2. Riding the high of my birthday week. The plans I had were extensive and they started with a triathlon that equaled my age. 2000 meters for the 2 in 26, 26 mile bike ride, 6 miles running in the 6 in 26. Then I went on to have a b’day lunch with my running buddies at my fav restaurant, then I went out on a special surprise date with my special, then I had a group gathering at my favorite sushi restaurant to top off the end of the week. I keep re-reading the messages people wrote in my b’day cards and it helps me more than I can explain right now.

3. Buying the bike that I had been eying for over 2 months and riding to work. It’s just me and the road and cycling makes me feel grounded. Bikes are freedom! That is why I named my new bike Frida! Party because I love the artist Frida Kahlo and partly because Frida sounds like FREE-dom.

Cheers to staying positive and keep on keepin’ on the road to recovery. I’m on the path leading into light…just like the above photo shows. I’m headed up.

I need to tell people that I’m down so they can help me get up.

Is the beginning of my road to recovery. I’m a little bit scared. A little bit excited. A bit optimistic, which is more than I have been of any emotion besides sadness in a while. This is good.