get a divorce

I’m not sure if it is final. Six months and one day from the day the clerk of the court stamped the paperwork was April 22, 2007. The ex hasn’t sent me the paperwork but I’m pretty sure it’s final now.

I will feel better when I get the papers but I have been telling people I’m single.

For all of you out there contemplating leaving…Just do it. I had a plan for leaving. I wasn’t able to follow it. I had just had enough! I used all of my resources and borrowed from family and used up a lot of favors from friends in order to do it, but I got out. It is so nice to be able to drive home and not have to worry about what kind of emotional storm I am heading into. I don’t have to call home to gauge how drunk the husband is so I can prepare myself. I don’t have to listen to ranting and raving. I don’t have to see my things thrown across the house and windows broken. I don’t have to face my neighbors in the morning after a big fight. I haven’t had to call the police or hide or pack up the dogs and drive around for hours with no place to go waiting for him to pass out.

it feels good. Even if your marriage is not quite that bad…it sucks to be unhappy. You are not doing anyone any good by staying. I understand that every situation is different, but leave as soon as you can!

I would suggest everyone, no matter how together you are to get some counseling as soon as you leave. Not that marriage counseling crap, but counseling by yourself. Only for you. But don’t tell anyone but your people about it, if you must tell anyone. Sometimes it takes a professional telling you that you will be ok to make it ok.

Good Luck!

I did it. On September 2, 2006, I told my husband I wanted a divorce. It was pretty ugly. There were a fair few tears shed on both sides. There was yelling. Threatening. I had to stay in the house for 6 weeks until I could find a new place for me and two of my dogs.

Those six weeks were terrible. I was constantly subjected to emotional abuse. I was woken up in the middle of the night to be yelled at or cried on or whatever. The police were called on me countless times to try to talk me into leaving the house. His family came by and told me what a horrible person I am. They said because I was the one who wanted out, I should leave the house immediately. Needless to say, I didn’t get much sleep and overall, this was a really bad thing. But I am free.

After two months of partying like a rock star in Hollywood, I have finally settled into single life. I was pretty bad though, I was out howling at the moon every single night! It felt so good to be free. I didn’t have to answer to anyone. I needed it. I was dating a few guys. I have cut them down to one.

I’m very happy. I’m so glad I was able to extricate myself from that marriage.

so, I’ve been thinking. Perhaps I can just think him out of my life. There is a way were if you project onto them, what you want them to be they will either become that, or they will really want to get away from you because they are not what you are wanting them to be. Did that make sense? It seems like a win, win situation. So that is what I have been doing for a little bit now. He has seemed to grow uncomfortable when he is behaving in a way that I find unapplealing. Then he stops. I think it helps too that I just lost a ton of weight and he is noticing that other men think I’m cute too. Amazing how that works.

So, I don’t complain about him anymore, I just appreciate the good qualities that he may or may not currently possess. Still doesn’t do much to take away the hurt, or the insane crushes I have on others. Oh, well. It does make me a lot happier.

So, I just got to spend the weekend with some of my friends from a very long time ago. One of them was an old boyfriend. We broke up only because I was moving very far away. I by the way, am not “allowed” to have friends. If I have male friends then of course I am sleeping with them, according to my husband. If I have female friends, then they are ok, but I am sleeping with there boyfriends. I have never cheated. I have never given him any reason to think that I would cheat. By the way, just in case any of you are thinking that there must be a logical reason for these sorts of things. There is a logical reason, he is mean to me and wants me to stay, but the only way he thinks that he can keep me is to put me down and keep me away from all others.

Anyways, I have never had a better weekend! I lied and said I was working, but it’s ok. These are my friends and they love me… for me. They knew me ten years ago and I was a brat then, and they still loved me.

I have to go so I can keep seeing these people. I really want to keep them in my life. I know that they will always be there if I need them, but it would be nice to go see them, without being accused of screwing them. Or, having to mention their wives first if I am telling my husband about them.

I haven’t been treated nicely in a really long time. I miss that. I deserve that. I’m a nice person, I can’t keep living like this.

I have a few more months and then I will be making enough money to go, if everything goes my way.

When I marrried four years and a few months ago… I thought I was marrying a person who could function as an adult. He was over 40, and had kids. That would make anyone believe that at least they had to at some point at like and adult. I was wrong. I married a 14 year old boy, who is bitter and 45 now. He is completely unable to be and adult. I actually have to remind him to use his “inside voice” when we are in public. I feel like I am raising him and I am 17 years his junior. He enjoys telling me how I am like his teenage children, yet is so out of control of his emotions, he will see something on TV and that will send him into a spiral of anger. This normally last for hours and then ends with him crying, telling me I take him for granted and then passing out.

He is his worst enemy. And he’s my worst enemy too. I wish he would take himself out. Or, with his mouth and blatant racism, maybe someone else will. Or suicide by police. I can see any of them happening.

The terrible part… I can’t leave yet. I stupidly quit my job (that I had for eight years), to stay with him. I have nothing. I sunk all my savings into the house. He says he would kill me for the 50% of the proceeds that I am entitled to when we divorce. I’m not sure if I believe him. Famous last words?

I will be able to go… just not yet. I am almost done with school, then I have to get my foot in the door. Then, I’m out.