live instead of exist

i got invited out for a drink by someone i met at the weekend…and i’m going. it scares the crap out of me, but i’m doing it.

that’s living, right? being outside your comfort zone?

:)

i’m feeling hit and miss with this lately – i think it’s because i have a lot of free time and not too much structure, so i feel like i’m just drifting through my days achieving very little.

that said, i’m trying to make a conscious effort this week to involve myself in whatever i’m doing, be it reading a book, watching a movie, baking a cake, talking to my parents…whatever. no more just zoning out.

i’m also trying to motivate myself to write more – that always makes me feel more alive.

i’m listening to him at the moment (love him) and anyway, one of his lyrics seemed particularly pertinent to this:
“make a life, not a living”.
make of that what you will.
huzzah for jason!

this underpins so much of what i think about life. especially right now, everything in my life is changing, my eyes are opened to a world of possibilities. i’m a grown up (despite all my protestations to the contrary) for the first time i’m going to be out on my own, living my life. and i mean to. to really live. to savour every smile, to enjoy the sunsets, to laugh until my stomach aches, to enjoy a cup of tea with my best friends, to relish watching my favourite tv shows, to read books that make me laugh, cry, but most of all think. to cry, and not be ashamed of it.
the world is a shitty grey and horrible place. but it can also be sunny and bright and full of shiny things and amazing heartbreaking beauty. i mean to live as consciously as i can.