become comfortable with my sexuality

my folks found a list that detailed every guy i’ve ever liked, everything i’ve ever done w/ every guy, pros and cons of each “relationship”, lessons i’ve learned from it. i did the list so i could see what i needed to learn from my patterns so i wouldn’t do it again. but um, shit is still stuck in the fan, if you know what i mean. we haven’t talked since they found it on tuesday.

a big part of that is me. i’m just extremely embarassed and quite frankly, feel violated. but i was the one who left it in my room.

well, now they know i’m not a virgin. haha. but there’s other stuff i wish they didn’t know. but what am i going to do? can’t go back.

i grew up believing that my sexuality, my sex drive, was bad. when i experimented or was curious about aspects of sex, i was punished. those old views are still deeply ingrained in my psyche.
it’s okay to have a high sex drive. in fact, it’s natural. it’s not bad. i’m not bad.
and while i open up to others about my sexual side, i still don’t embrace it. how do i change that?