feel good

When in a quandary, I ask myself: What I would expect from others to do about that?, How I would expect someone to treat me if I were in their shoes? etc. etc. Usually, the answer comes easily.
I feel uncomfortable treating someone worse than I would myself. However, I feel equally uncomfortable treating myself worse than I would anyone else.

It’s so much easier to feel good when sun is shining. Although sun itself is not in control over my mood, it always contributes to me feeling better.
When it’s sunny though, I hate being stuck at office desk. Grrrr… I feel like escaping and not coming back until it rains again.

There are a few people whom I trust completely. And I know whatever happens, I can trust them. When times get difficult though, I experience moments of doubt. Can I still trust them? Won’t they want to use me just to protect their own ass? Of course, everyone will want to protect their own ass and no illusions that their interests have the highest priority! But the doubt is: won’t they want to build their success on someone else’s pain?

With the question asked in this way, I immediately know the answer. NO. I am sure.

Even if I’m wrong, I know that Whatever happens, I will handle it!

when I get things done. Sometimes I don’t feel like chasing everyone to deliver what they are to deliver. Sometimes I prefer to sit quiet and blame it on anyone but myself. But I know that once I make things happen, I will feel way better and happier.

I hate making mistakes. If I make one, I feel bad and I tend to see myself useless/worthless. The chatterbox turned on: Again? We could have (this or that, blah blah blah) if it hadn’t been for this YOUR one mistake… I know I am not useless/worthless because of this one mistake. It’s just how I feel but it’s a firm and deep feeling that I have.

When I was a kid, I was taught to be perfect. Nobody’s perfect, I know; parents often like their kids to be perfect though. Eliminate ALL mistakes from your life, how many times do I have to tell you… how long before you screw it up…. This must lead to us giving up before even trying. If I ain’t no good if I make mistake (even though making mistakes is inevitable in any process, not to mention learning!), maybe it’s better not to do anything at all? At least, I won’t make a mistake.

As you grow up, it’s difficult to face the fear of making mistakes. But fortunately I, even though I still hate making them, accept myself fully and love myself even if I make a mistake, so they don’t stop me anymore. I try not to repeat the ones that I’ve already made…

However, I would be much happier if I could get rid of this awful feeling of guilt when I make a mistake…

Sometimes I feel like not talking to some of my family members. I don’t mean my mom, dad and brother but rather all sorts of uncles, aunts, grands etc. etc. The reason I do not answer the phone when they’re calling is that most often the talk is all about me fulfilling their expectations (although they refuse to see that), or simply they tell me what will be best for me.

So many times I have tried to tell them it’s my life and I am grown up enough to decide on my own. But they all seem to be deaf. They are always using various manipulative techniques to tell me what I should do. If I don’t agree with them, they try to make me feel guilty. And I have to be very very careful not to say something that might possibly hurt their frangible hearts. And too often they say something opposite to what they really think. I know because I’ve heard they try the same tricks on others… make them feel guilty mode. I hate it.

So what I do now is… I do not pick up the phone when they call. This makes me feel ungood for a little while (‘coz we are taught to please others). But only for a while. I call them back but only when I feel like fending off the word bullets.

I wish I could speak to them and pick up the phone any time they call. But I know it’s better for me not to. And I wish my family could communicate better, and that people were real friends (yes, I have seen such families!) that can discuss things openly. Interesting that this concerns only family members. Nothing like that when considering verbal communication with the rest of the world.

It’s sad, such a disfunction. What the heck, something must be wrong with this communication stuff…

avoid doing things that could make me feel ungood. And, too, avoid neglecting doing things that have to be done – this also makes me feel bad.

is ever-best treat of the day. It’s not just about feeling comfortable… Ha, it’s not about feeling comfortable at all! Comfort often leads to my feeling ungood – when at the end of the day I realize how much time I’ve wasted. Feet out of the comfort zone.

Loving others starts with loving myself.

If you don’t love yourself, nobody else will. Not only that — you won’t be good at loving anyone else. Loving starts with the self.

_{Dr Wayne W Dyer}

“You are a living magnet. What you attract into your life is in harmony with your dominant thoughts.” Brian Tracy