weigh 130 pounds

About 3 1/2 years ago I reached my lowest ever adult weight, 122. Since then I’ve moved twice, started 2 new jobs, made 2 new sets of friends, had 7 semi-serious relationships, learned to run 2 miles without stopping, started lifting weights, and tapered off anti-depressants after 7 years. My weight went up and down and up and down. In early March I weighed 131 pounds, and in early May I weighed almost 144.

But now after 3 weeks of tracking my calories and following the directions of spark people, I weigh 138. I weigh more than usual, and yet I feel much more positive and in control because I identified why I gained weight and have already succeeded in losing more than 5 pounds. I know that weight loss will get harder as I lose more, but I’m excited for it. Spark people suggested mid-September as a good goal for weighing 125, which is close to my ideal weight, and all I have to do is burn 200 calories a day and keep tracking my calories. So far I’ve done that and it’s worked and I can do that in the future.

I have accomplished so much in my life, but the thing that I feel the best about is having reached the weight of 122 at this time last year: it felt like magic. After a nightmare of going during college from 123 to 160-something, and then back down through the 140’s and spending most of grad school in the 130’s, I was amazed that I would finish graduate school actually weighing less than when I started college. But now I’m back to the low 130’s.

Since I’m 5’1”, every pound makes a huge difference. The real issue is that when I’m stressed, tired, and lonely, I stop exercising and sometimes binge. Sugar is a real “trigger food” for me: sometimes I have avoided sugar for months at a time, but then I get complacent and just have a little bit. Maybe for one or two days, I can have a little bit, but eventually I end up binging. I feel really alone in this, so it’s comforting to read about others’ struggles.

I joined the 130 lbs group because I’m already so close to it. I would like to celebrate an accomplishment before moving onto 125 and eventually 120. Last year, my goal was to weigh what my
driver’s license says I do, which is 115, even though I have never weighed what my driver’s license says I do. I don’t mind if I don’t quite get to 115: I just want to get down and stay down. I’ve come so far. It feels good that I lost this weight before, so I know it’s possible, and I know what I have to do. On the other hand, it feels frustrating to know that I reversed the change in my life that I felt the best about, and I have to spend hours and hours more at the gym trying to fix it again.