that slowly my world has changed. There are small, external things, like the cross that hangs above my bed. I remember telling Ex when we moved into this house that I wanted a cross in every room, but with him, that really wasn’t possible. With just me, it’s now more or less done.
Actually, in my study here there are more crosses than I can count. I love them—different sizes, textures, materials. My books on the Bible are in here, too.
I read the Bible almost every day, unless I’m engrossed in a biblical commentary, in which case I might read that instead. My reading time is before I go to bed. My Bible is always there.
There are behaviors that are different, too. I pray before I eat almost all the time, something the kids apparently only experience over here. I pray (and cross myself, something Lutherans do) every time I see a wreck, police car with sirens, ambulance, or fire engines. I know what it feels like to be in an ambulance, and I pray for that person. I pray that the drivers will be save. I cross myself so that my daughter will know I’m praying. I want her to see my values in action.
My reading is now largely religiously oriented. I am loving Tom Wright’s “Simply Christian,” and there are a set of books I’ve gone through this year. I’ve finally found the kinds of books I want. They lift me up, push me to be the best I can be. It’s food for my soul. Ten years ago, I couldn’t have imagined living this way.
And I notice God all around me. He’s in the discouraged student who comes for help who really can’t pass this class. He’s in the grad student at the end of their rope, needing someone to be compassionate for them. He’s in my coworkers, struggling for tenure and with the somewhat nasty interpersonal mileau of academia. I pray for them throughout the day.
I think about things differently. The kids persist in buying me presents for Christmas, but I dont’ need them. I would prefer that they send their money to charity in my name. Someday they will understand that.
I feel like God is moving in my life, comforting me, claiming me. It is an amazing process that I’ve never written or talked about before. Have you ever experienced this?
