Grow in Christ

I am growing in Christ on a more mature level than I ever have before. I have been through so much terrible in the last few months that I’ve been forced to live and breath GOD’S WORD above all else in order to survive… to not depend on ANY human being for help out of the mess I was ensnared into. It is so dangerous to trust in men’s words… even Christian men’s words. All people are sinners and are flawed in their perceptions on life, and on others in this life, in one way or another. Only God can see the full picture and know who each of us truly are and why, as well as, our reasons for acting out in certain ways.

In this case, if I’d listened to any person around me and accepted the beliefs (or words) being spread by people around me, I would have lost the core of who I am; people had begun spreading things that were extremely untrue and damaging to the health of my life, psychologically and emotionally. I couldn’t even depend on my parents to see the truth anymore… people saw and believed what appeared to be truth… but it was deception straight from satan. It is always best to go directly to God as my source of wisdom and help… not to people. People are not fully stable – no, not one of us… my help should always come from the Lord. I would have most definitely lost my life had I continued to seek stability from people around me.

I hold a much stronger value to my relationship with God and to His truths in my life than I EVEREVER have. It took me almost losing my life to realize this is the outlook I need to have in order to truly survive in this life full of sin and spiritual warfare. I now truly know the meaning of spiritual warfare.

If you are seeking approval, wisdom, or happiness from anyone or anything besides the one and only God… found in the Bible… beware – you WILL become ensnared. I pray that all who read this take heed to it and see the importance of growing in God’s word. God’s word – the Bible – is the foundation of a relationship with Him (is His wisdom and love… TRUTH… being fed straight into us) and the foundation of peace and LIFE for all of us. It’s the only guidebook in this life that is completely accurate and will always straighten out your mess, if you follow God’s teachings inside of it.

I sleep with my Bible now… sounds silly, but that’s how important the truth inside of it is to me. I have been saved by rejecting men’s thoughts and depending on God’s thoughts alone – through His inspired Word.

I have had to overcome SO much adversity in the last year… I have grown tremendously. God has given me a huge kick in the pants… and while I was going through it, I thought I’d never survive… but, now, I look back and am able to say if “If I could accomplish and/or overcome ALL that… then I can do a lot of things considered smaller in comparison.” God’s made me strong and victorious in Him. Thank you Lord for taking care of me!!! I continue to pray even now, as I’m going through more at the present moment. Even though it’s still not easy… it is easier to handle than before. Praise the Lord!

I’ve grown in Christ tremendously over the past few months… it’s the hard times that bring you really close to Christ. Sometimes we need to be reminded that everything on this earth is only temporary and that the only One that we should really depend on and hold priority to is God in heaven. He can remind us of that easily when He feels the need to. It’s good that He does… it means that He loves us and wants to see us growing, not falling apart… it’s His way of protecting us from further harm… showing us the people and things we really can live without. He is all we truly need. Anything else handed to us is a blessing He has entrusted us with.

I’m trying harder and harder to do the things that Christ prods me to do. I’m learning how to step outside of my comfort zone much more and trust in God to catch me if or when I fall. I’m so glad my faith in Him is starting to strengthen to where it used to be again…. I feel so much more at peace not feeling like I have to be in control and make sure my own life is okay -my life belongs to God and, therefore, I trust HIM with my life now! It’s a wonderful relief…. to just have the freedom to live and not worry about my life so much! It’s in God’s hands now and I’m so happy that I can hear and see God clearly in my life again!!!

I’m growing closer to God every day! Sometimes I don’t have as much discipline as I should in talking with God… I’d rather ignore my problems, block out all that there is to think about… and just turn the music up really loud. But I’m making more of an effort lately to spend more time in prayer and meditation than before… afterall, this IS a relationship I have with God. How would I feel if one of my friends only came to me randomly when they decided it seemed like it was time again, simply… because… not because they were actually interested in being my friend and interested in who I am? How would I feel if a “friend” only showed up when they needed something from me? I need to treat God with the same love and respect that I longed to be treated with. He deserves all of me anyway and deserves me MUCH more than I deserve him or deserve to have a good friend.

For the last 2 years I’ve saved very little money… because, before, my life held no purpose… therefore I had no goals to work towards. Since my life held little meaning and I felt I had little possibility for growth in my future… I blew my money. I felt trapped living with my parents. Well – now I’ve finally found reason to save money… reason to improve myself in so many ways.

I had moved away from God, therefore I could no longer be blessed. I put myself in a horrible position. Luckily, God is gracious. I prayed for Him to pull me out of it earnestly, made a list of all the things I needed to change in my life in order to grow and find meaning in my life again… A couple of days later He brought a wonderful man to me.

Through that man and the short-lived relationship we had, God has shaken me up and given me a new purpose, a new focal point of ambition and a goal to build upon, to continue to move forward: my goal is to become the kind of woman who can be great for a man and my future family, as a wife and a mother. My biggest fear, for most of my life, has been turning out just like my emotionally and psychologically abusive mother. God used my relationship with David to show me how much I really need to change before I could truly be uplifting and good for a man in that type of a love relationship. It hurt tremendously to lose him.. and to realize the negative effect I had on him in some ways, but I realize more than ever how important it is for me to work on improving myself in many areas… so that love will be more of a possiblity as something being successful in my life.

Now, I’m focused on saving at least 75% of my monthly earnings each month… so that in about a year… I’ll finally feel ready enough financially to move out and support myself as I continue working and going to school part time.

I’m growing closer to Christ each day. I feel so much more whole and complete than before. There’s a God-shaped hole in all of us…. and only One who can fill that hole.

I think this goal will always be on my list of 43 things… because even though I’ve grown in Christ a great deal in the last 5 or so months… I intend to grow closer to God each and every day of my life. You can never get too close to God.

Here’s an update though:
I found a church that I’ve been attending since the end of January… which has helped me grow a GREAT deal. It’s good to put myself around strong Christians more often and to have God’s love reinforced with a body of like-minded believers every Sunday.

Not only that, but now I’m in a bible study group that meets on Sunday nights, which has been a tremendous blessing also.

I have started praying on a daily basis again… and it’s not like prying teeth to get myself to just open up to God anymore. It comes so naturally now. What a relief.

I’ve been doing devotionals and going to God whenever I start to feel anxious. I’m remembering how it feels to not allow myself to try to do things all on my own. Without God there, true blessings are not possible. I have finally gotten over my fear of completely giving my life to God again. It’s ALL in His hands… and I have no reason to be afraid when I know God is taking care of me.

I am really starting to grow close to Christ again, as close, and hopefully, even closer than I was before! I feel such a renewed peace in my life and my life is starting to feel more worth while and like it makes sense. God sent me this guy I’ve been dating for several months (though we’re taking a 3 month break right now to focus on him graduating and me growing more on my own) and he has been such a blessing in my life. God has shown me so much through this man – and this time… I won’t give the man so much credit. I’ll remember who’s really in control and who REALLY causes miracles to happen – It’s GOD. God USES people, but the people don’t deserve all the praise. Yes, they deserve to be shown that they’re appreciated and shown that I’m thankful for them ALLOWING God to use them… yes, it’s really in their heart what they’ve done- but it’s all to the glory of GOD. God is above any man. That’s where I went wrong with the last guy. It really ruined our relationship because God ended taking the back seat while I was so busy focusing on a guy. I know better now… and I thank GOD for David – whatever ends up happening in the end – he is a blessing and has changed my life for the better.

About 2 months ago, on one Saturday, I wrote out a list of all the things I need to accomplish/work on in order to grow closer to God and to grow into a better person. 3 of those things God put in front of me the following Tuesday in a crazy way. God could tell after me making that list, praying about it, and crying… that I was completely sincere in my efforts and much more ready than before to take on His challenges in my life. I told Him “take my life Lord.. lead me, I’m ready to start doing whatever it is you want me to do”. It was SO powerful and then 3 days later… God started working, answered my prayers in obvious ways. He was basically standing there saying “here you go Joy. You asked, seemed serious, here you go – this is your chance – take it.” And I’m trying my hardest. I’m being blessed in the process because of it too.