not let people get to me

This is still a work in progress but I’ve grown a tremendous amount in this area, in the past year. I’ve been through hell and back… being harassed at work, losing my position, continuing to be treated like something I’m not at my place of employment, being judged very harshly at my home church that I’ve returned to… everyone finding out about my past with my ex (because I tell someone in confidence and make the mistake of trusting them to not air my personal business all over the place), my new boss talking to me like I’m stupid… when I’m anything but. I’m pretty sure God’s just trying to break me completely of caring about what people think… it’s finally kicking in!! When you’re at the bottom, there’s no where to go but up… and I’ve been tormented in all areas of my life for a while. It’s getting to the point that it’s so regular a pattern… that I don’t even think about it so much anymore. It’s about time!

I’ve really started to take on this challenge and not shrink away so much. God has presented me with the challenge of going to my old church again. Problem is… this is where my abusive mother and ex boyfriend go. That will make things uncomfortable for me. I know God will bless me for following His will though and that God knows what’s best for me even if I don’t understand it. SO… that means I HAVE to work myself up to confronting this fear.

In doing so… I must learn to not let people get to me. Especially my mother. She’s always been my biggest hindrance in life. I live at home with her right now. I’ve started NOT working around her anymore and NOT making sure I don’t step on her toes. I can’t live to please her. I can’t live like I’m constantly walking on egg shells… even if this will cause her to throw tantrums. If I want my inward being to improve any… I’ve got to quit worrying about whether or not she will fly off the handle if I’ll do this or do that. Therefore, I’ve begun to act normal in front of her… and am accepting the fact that if she has a problem with anything (innocent) that I do… then that’s truly HER problem. It won’t be mine… because I’m no longer allowing it to be.

If I can’t handle her at home… then it will be hard to go to church with her too. So I’ve got to quit hiding myself and hindering myself just to appease or keep her from losing it. Because I’M NO LONGER LOSING MYSELF!!!

I’m thinking about moving on from a friendship I’m in right now. There’s this girl that just brings me down. Her attitude about life is just not in line with mine. And it seems to be less in line with mine, each day that passes. Yesterday she said something that I see as sign to move on: “People who seem happy all the time make me suspicious. It’s just not natural, it seems really fake. Those are the people most likely to have a lot of problems underneath it all.” I felt kind of like she was talking about me even though we were talking about someone else, because I consider myself one of those people – it’s just my disposition to be more positive about things. Maybe in some cases, but overall, I have to really disagree with her on that statement. Not everyone has to be as negative and unhappy as her all the time.

Because of her view that I’d already become perceptively aware of… I’ve slowly started to become a different person, from being around her so much – and I’m starting to realize that. I’m not quite as cheerful and upbeat as I used to be. I guess I’m honestly afraid of her raining on my parade and hurting my feelings if I show too much happiness when I’m around her – that’s not a good thing at all. It’s like she always finds something wrong with me for being so peppy and cheerful, like there has to be something actually wrong with me because of it. The truth is… what you see with me is what you get. If I’m sad, you’ll see it. If I’m happy, you’ll see it. If I’m mad, you’ll know. Why would I be something different than what I’m showing on the outside… on a daily basis? That doesn’t make sense.

The things that I feel most proud of about myself, my greatest characteristics, are slowly dwindling away because of her responses to my personality. Her attitude is really starting to take a toll on my self esteem. I’ve just become more sensative, overall, from most people’s comments towards me, just from hanging around her. I used to be soooo confident and so much stronger than this. I want that back, I’m not myself….. but that may mean completely moving on.

Does anyone else know someone who thinks like my friend? Does anyone reading this think like this? How can you look at being too positive and happy as a BAD thing? That makes absolutely no sense. It seems to be a very unhealthy way of thinking, in my opinion. Someone explain this way of thinking, because it seems so pointless and off to me.

I’m getting better with this, but I still have some work to do.

I have truly got to figure out how to completely get rid of this girl in my life. Well, not completely – that would be impossible – but shrink our “relationship” from friends hanging out.. to just co-workers, fellow church attendees, and acquaintances. She is by NO MEANS a friend. She doesn’t treat me the way a friend would. Let me explain why the last straw has been drawn… for probably the third time – but I really really really want this to be the FINAL time:

She’s at it again. She invites the others from work to go do things and then purposely doesn’t invite me. Oh, don’t worry… she doesn’t, by any means, make me feel like less of a person by doing that. I know why she’s doing it. She’s afraid all the attention will be off of her if I’m there. I know she’s not used to having this many friendships at one time. She’s very very insecure… and as a result of that, feels she has to take her insecurity issues out on people she feels jealousy because of or threatened by. I guess I happen to be the lucky person. I can’t help but feel I’m being taken back in time to eighth grade when I’m around her…. she is getting more annoying every day.

Before, I didn’t even realize exactly how at it she was. I didn’t realize she actually had this scheme going, where she was purposely trying to “leave me out” (boo hoo, I’m going to cry …) and then make me feel bad about it later, by acting all weird when she discussed doing things with others without me… like I was supposed to feel bad or something. Give me a break. I didn’t even think anything of her doing things without me until she started acting like it was a HUGE deal… when it’s not. So then I went to Misty to tell her how weird she was acting. She explained that Tiffany purposely would leave me out. Say she didn’t want me there.

WELL… I would have quit being around her a LONG time ago.. except…
1) She lives 5 minutes from my house.
2) We carpool to work together every day. I can’t quit doing this because she’s depending on the cut in her money to be able to afford her new apartment and living alone.
3) I go to the same church as she does.
4) She still invites me to do stuff with her (but usually when it’s only the two of us, WEIRD) and I do most of the time… just to keep from hearing, “What’s wrong? Are you mad at me?” (WHINE WHINE)

SIGH. I am so ready to ditch this shallow relationship and I would begin to, but she won’t quit asking me to do stuff. And since she knows there aren’t that many other people around here that I know and do stuff with (I came back after 3 years of being away)... I can’t make the excuse of hanging out with other friends for a change. It would become obvious if I continuously gave her an excuse of needing to do something else or just wanting to stay in… blah blah blah. And finally…. I honestly have no interest in debating her issues any more. I’ve said enough. She’s on her own now. I don’t care to revive anything with her, it’s not worth it. She’s not worth it… simply because she doesn’t treat me like I’m worth it… and simply because I can do a lot better. I’ve had way too many meaningful and awesome relationships in my past to regress to something like… this. She’s not my type – thank GOODNESS. I’d be ashamed if I were like her and I want her to leave me the H-E-double hockey sticks alone!!!

But once again… I’m a nice person. I guess when times get tough you gotta do what you gotta do though. I’m seriously about to have to start lying to her to keep away from her. I HATE that she’s caused me to have to be this way, because I’m a pretty honest person almost all of the time, but I don’t even want to deal with her WHINING and shadiness any MORE. I am so done with that junk.

Has anyone else ever dealt with anything as odd as this (I would hope not) or does anyone have any advice?

There’s this person I work with at work… I’m a teller. She’s the head teller. Lately she’s been bringing me down. And I can’t really figure out why I’m being so vulnerable to the things she says right now. Here’s the thing:
Customers really like me. I’m always getting compliments from them and I’ve had several people… men and women alike… tell me I’m their favorite teller. I’ve had one person tell me I’m an inspiration because I’m always smiling and always happy. It feels good to hear compliments.. and I accept them whole-heartedly and show my appreciation. I’m just friendly… that’s who I am.

Well… the other day, a woman was complimenting me tremendously and saying how friendly I am and how my name goes perfectly with my demeanor and personality. I took the compliment and was polite and said thank you. The head teller is in the cubicle next to me and she whispers me something… I didn’t know what she said. After the woman left, I asked her what she said. She said not to trust people who give compliments like that when they’ve just met me… you know, since I’m a teller and I deal with handing out money all day, people can’t be trusted. She said she could have been trying to “distract” me or “sweet talk” me to get what she wanted. She also said that when people say very flattering stuff like that to her… she can get distracted and forget what’s she’s doing… insinuating that I’m naive and can’t handle a compliment, I guess, and that what the woman was saying wasn’t genuine.

OK….

1) I get compliments all the time, I’m used to it – it’s no biggy.
2) I’m not going to get side tracked by something as simple as that, thank you.
3) There is such thing as a genuine compliment and friendly conversation without trying to get something… in this world.
4) The compliment the customer gave me… is the same exact compliment I get all the time… so I know she wasn’t just talking. And I know I’m friendly and nice. Don’t diminish people’s compliments to me, like I don’t deserve them or like they’re not true, thank you.
5) I’m not naive.
6) I’m not YOU! How I’d be affected in the situation of getting a compliment… is not necessarily the same as how YOU’D be affected. Just because you’re not used to receiving compliments.. doesn’t mean I’m not. Thanks.

Last night, we went out to eat. She was telling her friend how another teller who’s out there with us, at work, has every customer liking her… and how she and I have people who don’t like us. Um… excuse me? But – I can only think of one customer who doesn’t like me… and I think they’ve moved on since something that caused them to not be sure about me – 4 months ago – happened. In fact, the other teller she was comparing us to… I’m pretty sure I have more people who consider me their “favorite” than she has. Which really doesn’t matter to me… this isn’t some stupid competition. But it’s odd that she’d say something like that about me – when it’s just… obviously… NOT TRUE.

For some reason, it’s bothering me, the things she said about me. It’s bringing me down and I really don’t understand how or why… since I know none of it’s actually true. I guess it’s just her attitude.. I don’t really know. Someone say something to make me feel better… please.

Today I’ve reached a new plateau. I feel more calm, cool, and composed about these two girls who have been giving me negative vibes at work lately. I think the reason I do feel as together as I do… is because I’m realizing more and more what they’re really like, so it helps in making since of it all. I realize now, from the help of someone else sharing their thoughts, that Tiffany really does have her own issues that have nothing to do with me.. even though she often ends up pawning them off on me. Knowing this helps me to feel better, knowing that I wasn’t just imagining and making too big of a deal out of all of this. It also helps me to know how to better respond to her and treat her in her own personal situation in the future. I think I’m improving in the area of conflicts with people. I’m learning to deal with these things a little more gracefully. I think the biggest thing I’ve learned is that open communication, yet also holding respect between people at the same time, is what will cushion the blow in these times.. even though it may be what we’re most scared to take part in in these times. Communication is vital – sometimes whether the other person cares to hear what you have to say or not.

Well, here it is:
I’m a teller at a bank. I have two friends… “FRIENDS” haha…. that I work with, one being the head teller, a step above me, the other being a worker in one of the offices upstairs. Let’s call the head teller M and the worker upstairs T. T and I carpool together each day to save gas. Today I called T to inform her that tomorrow morning we may need to take separate cars, since even though when we usually get in to work and I’m early and she’s right on time, I have an allergy appointment in the morning, so I thought I should let her know so she wouldn’t have to leave earlier than normal and then have to wait for 30 minutes in the waiting room.

Well, after that conversation… M calls me being very forward and bossy (she’s actually younger than me, so it can be kind of annoying sometimes) saying that I need to reschedule my appointment because she will be coming in after we’ve already opened and there will only be 2 of us before she gets there, so I can’t be late. I explain to her that going to get an allergy shot on Monday won’t affect my coming in to work. I’ll still get there at the same time I always do. The only reason I told T we should take separate cars.. is because I didn’t want to make her leave even earlier than usual.

So this response from M… who is the person I usually answer to since we work closest together… shows to me that T has been talking about how I’ll probably be coming in late in the morning.

First of all:
1)If I was going to be late.. wouldn’t I probably be the person who should inform M about it? Not some other source?
2)Why would M assume or why would T make it appear that I was going to be late?
3)I’d like to keep my working environment with other employees.. which doesn’t really involve T… GOOD since I work with them, and I’d like them to feel like they can trust me to do my job (we’re supposed to inform M at least a week ahead of time about coming in late).
4)How was it T’s business? EH?

I called T back and told her it was kind of unethical to go directly to the person above me about something that would be between me and the head teller. I was nice about it, but I let her know how I felt about it. She then proceeded to text me a couple minutes later saying that we should no longer ride to work together… is that immature or is that immature?

Does anyone else who reads this think I’m making too much of what happened or does it make sense how I feel? What would you think in this situation? Be honest.

Sorry if this is too confusing to respond to.

It is so perfect that you’ve invited me to this group, rkleinma. I find your timing quite interesting. I am soo frustrated tonight! More than I have been in a long while. I am so sick of people at work commenting on personal things about myself to MY FACE!! Well, and behind my back, which can be just as bad or even worse. Anyone ever heard of the word respect? It’s so hard for me to handle this.. because I definitely have heard of that word and I try to use that respect towards others whenever possible. So why can’t others use it towards me, huh? I guess I shouldn’t be getting all fired up about this. I should be handling it in a better way. But you know what? That probably explains why I have chosen this as a goal!