bring up tolerant, intelligent, self-confident children

Spare the rod and spoil the kid they say . . but is it really true? I think the best way to bring up a confident child is to not hit him with the rod in the first place. My parents used to beat me a lot and I am having a tough time acting confident in many situations. Like for instance a social party. I am going to spare the rod and spoil the kid. I want him to be confident.