I remember being embarassed about picking the first time when i was about 7 or 8 (I’m 28 now). It wasn’t from bites or pimples…it was more pressure points that called me to pick there for no reason. It’s hard to explain. It’s almost like something within me calling to put pressure on those points. It is generally even on my body…as in, if I feel it on one leg in one certain point, i feel it on the other leg at the same position. The same is true with hands, arms, etc. If I have the feeling and it is centrally located (i.e. on the scalp or on my torso) I only feel it in one spot. I also get this feeling in the tips of my thumbs and pointer fingers. In total there are about 16 to 20 spots on my body that I create places to pick. They start from nothing. I literally make something to pick.
This is embarassing to me because they are in spots that are visible. One of which is on my right palm. Right in the center. Any time I receive change from a clerk I put my hand out and it is clearly visible with a pink or red spot in the middle of my palm. I tell no one about this so even people I know I ask about it. This is even worse because I have to make up some excuse. There is no reason (other than stigmata) for me having this mark in my center palm. p.s. I don’t have stigmata.
I know what I am doing when i do it but, yet, I don’t stop. I suffer from panic disorder and am currently not on medication for it. It comes and goes in waves so right now I feel like i don’t need the medication. This picking is making me reconsider that decision. Clearly, I can’t control what I do…and I don’t want my hands to look like this…
This is my first visit here and really my first time honestly talking about this…any advice is truly welcome.
