be a better partner

two nights ago, i confessed to doug that something that his mother said/did to me while we were visiting over the labour day weekend, was bothering me so much that it was eating me up inside.

he knew at the time, it had bothered me, but did not realize it was still bothering me.

it must have been difficult for him to hear me vent because all he wants is for me to get along with his family. he knows i’m sensitive, impatient and has a hot temper. and he knows my MIL can be over-bearing, stubborn and ‘always needs to get her 2 cents in’.

well, he was wonderful at talking to me. this… from a man who is ‘the strong silent type’ when it comes to serious talks. the man who isn’t good at expressing his feelings and thoughts into words during such sensitive moments.

he calmly and rationally explained the way his mother is, not making excuses for her, but letting me know why she is the way she is.

so the next night, i thanked him for handling it so well. it could have gone very sour – he could have gotten frustrated and upset with me. but he didn’t.

what a sweetie.

we’ve been getting along a lot better this past week.

i’ve been trying to let the little things slide more and more, so that if we need to be more serious, it’s reserved for bigger issues that actually matter.

after a week and half of not doing too well, we had our first, calm and rational discussion last night. it wasn’t very long because my mother was hovering around. i’ll aim at continuing the conversation this weekend, ironing out the details.

he was relieved, though, that we had that talk. i just hope we can continue on the path we’re on right now.

i just feel that my faith in our marriage has been shakened. it’s the first time i’ve felt this way so my confidence in who we are, as a couple, is not very strong at this moment.

there’s been a lot of stress in our lives lately.

at least i’ve felt a lot of stress. it’s not helping our relationship one bit.

i really need to be more patient when i talk to doug. too often, i snap at him.

i was upstair when i overheard doug giving chaeli a time-out. she was calling for me so i remained very quiet.

this was doug giving her a time-out. not me. he had to see it through without my interference. that’s a respected rule we understand as a working team in this parenthood thing.

after her two minutes was up, he went to her to complete the time-out. he asked her if she knew why she got a time out. after a bit of coaxing, she told him what she had done.

he gave her a short speech, a hug and a kiss.

the time-out was delivered beautifully. one of the best i have ever seen either of us do!

afterwards, i told him that i heard the whole ordeal, and congratulated on doing a job well done.

i had a loooong talk with him last night. i told him everything that had been on my mind. all my worries… all the stress… all the pressure.

i really needed him to know that i just couldn’t handle the burden of always taking care of everything on my own. that i was close to a breakdown. and that i feared for both my mental and physical health.

there have been a lot of things, lately, that he hasn’t been doing. even after asking him for weeks on end. one result ended in a non-sufficient funds last week for our property tax… after telling him to make sure his accound had enough for the automatic withdrawal.

i was so fed up.

but i think last night’s talk did us some good. i told that i realize that i’ve been really bitchy to him. and that the cause of this was just due to so much that has been on my plate, including things that i have been doing for him.

i told him that i don’t want to be like that to him. and that i feared that if we continue on like this, we will surely end in divorce.

i made sure he knew that i was not bringing up divorce as a threat. just that it was a reality that i did not want.

i think i was able to talk to him last night in a way that didn’t go to those ugly, lashing, vindictive and angry words that i’ve done in the past.

and i think because of that, he actually listened.

i’m the leader, he’s the follower. so i know i have to make the first move.

lately, we’ve been so busy that we even when both of us are home for the evening, we barely spend more then 3 minutes together in the same room before we retire to our bed at night.

and trust me… ain’t no action happenin’ there! more like me falling asleep while he tinkers away on the lap top.

we’ve been really neglecting the ‘nurturing’ part of our marriage. i have to admit that it sort of scares me because it’s been like this more and more ever since the beginning of this year.

is this marriage? is this normal? are we suppose to feel like an old comfortable pair of slippers this soon? or socks? or mitts? or undies… no. perhaps the last one is one we shouldn’t list.

maybe i’ve been too bitchy lately. or rushed to do too much at once. maybe he’s been distant because i haven’t been approachable.

it’s not irrational. i have been focused on ‘getting things done.’ it’s been put oof too long… but now that i see a light at the end of the tunnel, i see two individuals, living in the same home…

totally oblivious of what the other one may be thinking.

ugh. i’ve got to do something about it before it’s too late.