Is this really my life? I don’t even think I’m alive at times….it’s strange how detached from the moment you become, so that when there are seconds and 10s of seconds and minutes in which you are aware of the moment, you still feel completely removed from it and it’s even less real because it has become hyper real. Then you move in a daze, but you feel every movement. It’s unpleasant. How do I get back into my head?
That may not make sense, but it did when I wrote it.
Nov 20, 07:50PM PST | 1 comment
an idealist. I’m in the clouds.
I want to come down. I want to live life without the past crippling me, or the future worrying me, or being stuck in la-la land as a way to escape my dissatisfaction with the present.
I find it hard to be... I’m always defining myself based on who I was or who I wish I was, instead of who I am. That definition keeps me stuck, but at the same time I cling to certain aspects of it that justify what I don’t like about myself.
But I feel like if I am not the shy, sullen, artsy, smart girl, then who am I?
Maybe when I was happier and liked myself more as a child, I was not that person. I do know that I was living in the present and not worrying about it.
Jul 26, 2008, 10:56PM PDT | 1 cheer | 2 comments
