stop waiting

..from a very close old friend recently saying that she was delighted that I had taken a break from my job. i just replied to her today and made me realise how relieved I am to not be doing it anymore. Its wonderful. But I have fallen into a winter torpor and need to shake myself up and get back out into the world.
Freedom’s no good if you don’t use it.

I have managed to pick up a little job that will help me to get out and about in the world and do some of the groovy stuff i want to do. Having taken a break from my main earner job, this will help take a little pressure of the finances as i explore my new life. I am announcing the dogs at the two Dublin greyhound stadiums; Shelbourne Park and Harolds Cross. Its only once a week and i get a real buzz out of calling out each dog as they enter the parade ring. So far I have been a kind of L-plate announcer, working alongside someone more experienced, but tonight I am flying solo for the first time.

..i have gotten a few one day jobs that have paid quite nicely. If i can get more of these it will soften the blow of not working properly for the next 6 months and make my new path-forging more practical. On top of being convenient little earners, I really enjoy them. Bring it on.
I finish my last contract tomorrow….Veeeery excited now!

One week to go and then i am on my 6 month break from work. Its time to see what i am made of. As its gotten closer the reality of it has started to hit home. If i dont find another way forward in this time i will be back to square one with a huge time opportunity gone. There’s no excuses now. Carpe Dium or bedamned.

I work on contracts that vary in length but rarely go beyond 3 months. If i’m lucky they overlap or at least the gap between them will be short. They tend to consume me and often run through six days of each week, leaving little opportunity to do much else. Over the years ive gotten used to putting everything asisde when i work which has grown into an unhealthy habit of waiting for each one to end before i pick up my life again. Finally i have put a stop to it all. I finish my current contract on nov 10th at about 10.45pm and i wont be taking up another one until at least april of 2008. Of course theres no guarentee there will be one to take up by then. Ive turned down 5 contracts since making this decision and you can piss off a lot of people doing that, but its a neccessary thing. I need to breathe.
I’m both excited and scared but i’m going to be me for a while and see how that works out. i booked my flight to New York last night. Its just a short trip, with a few days in LA at the end but i cant wait to go. No more waiting for a while. Wish me luck.

I have one week of my current job to go. This job has been such a weight around my neck and the past 3 months have been very hard indeed. Its a bit complicated but i work by contract and for the past two weeks i have been doubling up on another job which will run on beyond the current one until nov 10th. This has made things even harder…BUT…the end is in sight. I have resolved not to take any other work for at least 6 months and use the time to explore other possibilities and i am now getting very excited as this time gets closer.
Then!...on friday after work, one of my current bosses (Big Al) aproached me in the bar; “I want a word…” Ominous. I had just turned down a contract for nov through to jan ‘08 and he wanted me to reconsider. The message was basically that i would be closing the door on this company if i didnt take it. Now in times past this would have sent a shiver down my spine and i would have folded swiftly, but on friday i felt nothing but elation. I knew it didnt matter as i dont want this door to be open. There was a time when i would have killed to work where i am working now, but that time is gone. I need to get out and the time is now.

I have just started working nights and will now have six weeks of having my days free. Its so easy to slip into lazy habits during these days but i am determined to start using them productively instead of waiting for the job to end. I have various lists of plans so that i can guage how i’m doing.

I was in England recently visiting a friend who is working there and I ended up bumping into a load of other people I know who are working on the same job. In fact we all work in the same field and i ended up having a 7am discussion with a woman who happens to be extremely good at what we do. Through a circular argument i ended up realising that i dont enjoy what i do anymore. Its holding me back in so many ways. She asked me what i thought i should do and i told her, but couldnt help ackowledging that i am not actuallly doing anything to make it happen. I am drifting. My life is slipping away. She suggested that I take some time out when my current job finishes (late september).
“You dont have to tell anyone…just slip away for awhile”
I cant stop thinking about that. Its exactly what i need to do. A scary prospect, but its time to do something.

Having this list has been a great help in defeating the instinctive urge to sit back and see what happens. I have done some things and set about doing others that i never would have done if it werent for this list. Hurrah for the list. And also, ‘hurrah’ for that vitalising energy that comes from getting up off yer arse and doing something. Energy begets energy! And finally, Hurrah for me!

It sometimes feels like its all i do. Waiting for things to change; waiting for jobs to finish; waiting till things are just a little bit better. Waiting untill my ship comes in. this is it putz. This is how it is. Now is the time. Its time to make memories.