stop crying over him

ok i’ve decided today.. that this is officially DONE. The other day we nearly broke up again… cried soooooooooo much… then..yesterday i didn’t cry at all.. nor did i cry today… and not once did i feel like crying. i was happy. i am even. I can’t wait to get my life back on track, live my life… without him for the mean time but i’m happy. I’ve got a whole list of things i’m going to do.. planned. Then i’ll see him again soon. I believe it’s meant to be. I HOPE that we’ll be the ones for eachother~ if not.. then i haven’t wasted part of my life moping over him. I lived it. My own individual self.. my life… i mark this as DONE~! stamps D.O.N.E

... fat chance.

bf’s left England… 13 days now. He’s gone back to China for his Gap year. I’m being so pathetic- crying and counting how long he’s gone for… i don’t think he cares. before i met him and everything it was rare when i cried.now I can’t stop crying~ during the day, at night, every morning… right now.ever since months before he left. Several times i woke up crying~ I’ve never cried so much in my life. It’s so annoying, he’s not here… i feel so alone because we did absolutely everything together.. t.v, cook, go places, shopping, parties, anything. He doesn’t seem to care.I’ve started to dream of him… dream that he’ll never come back… stop loving me… then i wake up and i just find myself alone. He’s tried to break up with me twice already since he’s left. four times in total in these 10 months… because he knows i hurt and it’s whenever i cry..its like he doesn’t want me. He tells me he doesn’t want to hurt me and hates seeing me cry he just wants to break up.I don’t know if he tries to break up because he doesn’t want me- a cry baby. or doesn’t want me to hurt (not that it’ll make much difference if we broke up… probably hurt more)i really want my bestfriends right now- they’ve all gone holiday- the two that i want to see the most…i really miss him. but i hate feeling this way.it hurts so much.