don't take things personally

It is very hard not to wonder what I said to upset somebody to make them unsubscribe from me. I know that people close accounts, they move on, they adjust subscribers, it may not be that I did anything at all. It could be that what I say just doesn’t interest them. It could be they hate my foul language. But in the end, really, I shouldn’t take it personally.

I am certainly confused as to why I have as many subscribers as I do. And yet, I lost 6 subscribers this week and I have to say that it does bother me. I think it’s the not knowing who or why that makes me sad. Sometimes I wish I could just turn off my subscriber count so’s as to not know. Ignorance… bliss? Maybe not.

So, goodbye you mystery 6. I hope you fare well. You’re welcome back anytime you like, but you’re free to go any time.

Those of you still around and interested in the verbose ramblings of an aging programmer, you’re crazy, but I love you.

and I have to give the fridge door an extra little tug, which, not thinking, I do. I’m guessing now, since I couldn’t see through the door, that a bottle got wedged under one of the shelves. In any case, the railing of one of the door shelves, the railing that keeps everything on that shelf, pops off. Without said railing that keeps everything on that door shelf being present, the everything that was formerly kept on that shelf by the railing now has no motivation for staying on the shelf. So, it all jumps off.

Here’s the part where I should mention we have hard tile floors. I think, actually, that it’s exterior tile. It’s really lovely. But, in this case, the relevant feature of this tile is its hardness.

The everything that jumps off the shelf is, to the last count, all bottles. Two break, including a full bottle of wine. The wine is nicely chilled and had a bouquet of wild strawberries, hint of field grass. A large shard of glass stuck into my finger. My blood, the wine, some shitake mushroom sauce, it mingles on the sponge and rag. Takes me a fair amount of time to clean up, and make sure all the glass is gone.

I do not believe that I was personally being punished. I don’t think it was God’s will to break my 2000 Zaca Mesa. I don’t blame the company who made the refrigerator for the really easy to pop off shelf railing. I don’t think Zaca Mesa made their bottle too thin resulting in this painful finger poke.

This was not personal. It just was.

Oh, did I do poorly this morning.

A woman has before driven up to the house across from ours and honked. This isn’t a beep-beep honk. This is a long and hard I’m getting very angry at the person who doesn’t come out on time honk. It gets worse and worse.

This morning she honks again and woke me up (again).

I got out of bed, went outside and calmly approached her and I said. “Please, listen, i know that you are anxious and late, but i was sleeping and you have started my day poorly too.” She said, “Oh my, I’m very sorry that I was thinking only of myself”.

Uh, yeah, no. That would have been me NOT taking things personally. This is how it really went.

I walked out and I said, “you’ve done this before. It is very loud.” She said defensively, “only once.” I said, well don’t do it. She said, I CAN IF I WANT TO. I said, no, get out of your car and walk to the door where you can be as loud as you want. She said, f**k off. I flipped he off and she said, “oh you’re bad” and i said, “and you are very loud and rude.”

That’s what actually happened and I have to say that the anger and confrontation was totally unsatisfactory. I have often wondered about the attitude of people who would, at 7:30 am, sit outside in a very densely housed neighborhood and honk, honk, honk. I have silently allowed my anger at the morning honkers grow and grow and when I had the opportunity to confront this one, I did it allowing her honking to trigger my personal storehouse of anger.

I really wish I could have seen how scenario 1 played out.