I just glanced at my list and noticed this. You know, honestly, it’s not that I’m not a good person or that i never will be. There is just a part of me that used to be more generous, more giving, more charitable, perhaps more caring (in general), etc. but the stresses, hardships, and realities of life have dulled the senses some, forced me to forget how good it feels to think less of yourself and more of others…
I’ve also always been too trusting and have been burned more times than I’d like to admit. I feel as if I don’t let these things get to me, that I remain optimistic and perhaps a bit naive when working and socializing with others, but perhaps the deeper consciousness shelters me from being as open as I used to be.
There is this feeling that lies just below the surface of my character- it’s so close that I can practically feel it. It is a part of the old me and perhaps a piece of a wiser new me. I feel like a small lake in the winter with a layer of thick ice that keeps the water (this great feeling) from being exposed. I want the water, not the ice. I just need to figure out how to thaw the ice…
