I have a real problem with focusing on physical attraction when it comes to relationships. If the man is really attractive, then I assume he will either not be faithful or not be truly interested in me. If he is not good looking or “my type” then I can’t get into him.
I am giving up on online dating because I am not able to get past the looks. However, even in real life, and in past relationships, I think I assumed that HE was more attractive than I am, so therefore, he will eventually find someone else.
My female and male friends are constantly telling me that I am attractive. I want to know why I can’t love myself as I am—I focus on every flaw I have.
My body is ok. I am 45 years old and I am fit. I have been through a couple of pregnancies and I had an emergency c-section from a car accident and I focus on my small breasts, scars, and less perky breasts. I don’t see the beautiful eyes, nice legs, nice ass (so they say.)
And what about the fact that I am really bright, loving, thoughtful, sexually open and they say sexy, speak three languages, artistic, musical, decent gardener, home owner, etc. etc. I am a good cook, and on and on….
And my whole focus is whether or not I am attractive enough to hold a man and whether or not I am attracted enough to him to be interested and whether or not the sex will be good!
When relationships end, I can see that yes, he might be good lookin’, but he is a liar, he is cheap, he has no sense of direction, and so on, and he is HUMAN, just like myself. And then back to the drawing board and in my mind I know my strengths (I am clearly able to list them and identify them.) But, back to the am I attractive enough for him/will the sex be good?
I am searching for the way to not lower my standards to butt ugly and stupid, without ruling out a really great guy, who may not look like a model (and neither do I.)
One final twist: I am extremely attracted to Black men, but my last two relationships with Black men turned out to be nightmares of infidelity and I would consider myself to have been co-dependent on at least some level. BTW, one was African-American, born in US, the other was Haitian-American, born in Haiti.
Now, I still find Black men extremely attractive, but anyone I consider attractive seems to be of high probability a playa. The other thing is that I can’t get past Hello with anyone of any color, because I now have lost complete faith and trust in men. I just run away from everyone at this point, and I am not getting any younger!
