Last night I made a big mess in the kitchen when I was trying to cook. I was hungry and because of a faulty blender, not only messed up the kitchen but lost all the food I’d been working on for the past hour. I was so frustrated, I went into my room and the thoughts came. I have to admit, I didn’t try too hard to stop them. You, know I think I even welcomed them! It is like if I really am all of these terrible things, then it wasn’t my fault that I had made a mess, wasted food, and snapped at my husband when he tried to help.
I have learned that A) obviously, NST happens when i am hungry, angry, lonely (husband was playing video games and I felt neglected) and tired. B) I ‘use’ NST to give myself excuses for why things happen so that it isn’t my fault. This is hard to explain, but if you really believe you are a __ then you shouldn’t really have been doing what you were doing when you messed up anyways. Someone else should be responsible for you, because after all, you are just a ___ and you need supervision or assistance all the time. So for me, it’s kind of a cop-out way to feel sorry for myself and to try and escape one form of criticism (“I should have done that this way…”) by replacing it with another (“I’m just a . Why was I trying to do that in the first place?”)
This morning before I woke up, I had thought of a way to stop the blender malfunction from happening again. I figured out how to fix the problem :). I think if I had given in to NST I just wouldn’t have used the blender for a long time or even given/thrown it away. Now I feel confident that I can attempt the recipe again, and am excited because when it spilled everywhere last night my husband (very picky eater) even said it smelled really good!