Let my soulmate find me. And focus on having a great life on my own in the meantime.

it feels appropriate again.

This goal doesn’t feel like me anymore. I’m not looking for a soulmate at the moment, as I seem to be back on rather familiar terms with G, although soulmate is far too grand a description for our friendship/relationship which began in 1990 and has weathered an awful lot of ups and downs.

I wish I could cut this goal in half, as the key thing at the moment for me is the second bit which I certainly intend to continue. Being happy by myself or with my friends, having my own life and then interacting with him when we both feel like it but not getting stressed if I don’t hear from him for days seems to be the key, although at the moment my inbox is overflowing with kittenville updates so there’s no danger on that front.

“The Lost Art of Listening” had a section on the pursuer/distancer dynamic and as a needy, clingy person who constantly seeks attention, I have learned that backing off and letting him come to me works much better than having expectations which aren’t fulfilled and leave me feeling angry and bitter. Hurrah for no-strings attached!

on this goal for ages, mainly because at the moment I’m really not bothered about it. I have a look at the Guardian dating site from time to time but don’t feel the need to rejoin it – at the moment things are going well, I have lots of people to see and things to do, and don’t have the time, energy or money to start dating again.

One of the reasons I went out with G for so long was because I was scared of being single. In particular, the thought of never going on holiday used to get me down – I don’t much like travelling by myself. But suddenly I find I have no shortage of people to go on holiday with: the wine-tasting crowd and other friends (including some lovely people from 43T) have filled that gap, and by the end of this year I’ll have been away with both of my parents separately. I’m also looking forward to a week in the countryside at the beginning of July looking after the needy cats so they can go away together.

I was interested to see an article in today’s Observer which sums up this new attitude: apparently I am a freemale – dreadful name but I like the sentiment. Hurrah for the single life!

I fnally came to a decision and decided to end it with Mr W – not really sure what I mean by that because “it” was only three evenings together, but I didn’t see it getting any more serious and while I liked him, the prospect of further meetings didn’t thrill me.

I’m going to have a period of taking stock now and not rush into anything. I feel quite liberated, which must be a sign that it was the right decision.

_{thanks Silvie}

is living up to his name – 2 long emails today! Must put my brain in later and settle down to answer them. Tres highbrow.

Second date last night, or rather first date with second bloke. Again, I could tell within about 2 minutes that he wasn’t right for me. We did go for an excellent pizza at a place near Queen Square, which is a good find, so it wasn’t a complete waste of time!

I’d better go and write that email now :(

It was with some trepidation that I walked into the pub this evening (one which I’ve never been to before) but Mr F was there already and nicely positioned to catch my eye, and got a pint in straight away so that was a good start. However… he’s not the one. I don’t want to go into huge detail here about why not (it wasn’t his looks – he looked a lot better in real life than he did in his photo!) but I could tell after about 30 seconds. Maybe there is something to be said for speed dating after all…

Weirdly enough I felt quite calm once we were sitting down, whereas he seemed to be nervous. We had 2 pints and then went for fish and chips, and finally another one for the road. He said “see you again” or words to that effect when we said goodbye but I’m just going to have to be cold and brutal tomorrow and suppress the urge to say too many nice things in case it gives mixed messages.

It was certainly an interesting evening and I did enjoy it – I could have got out of there after the 2 pints but I felt happy to keep going for the whole evening. I feel pleased that I did it, and more relaxed about the other ones now. Generally, not being desperate feels very good as it means I can be in control and only need to see someone a second time if I really think we are on the same wavelength. This is the new, improved fearless leopard (now with enhanced self-esteem!) who isn’t going to settle for just anyone who happens to come along ;)

for anyone still interested ;)

This week is the big week! Over the course of the next few days I’m meeting three eligible chaps. One on Friday, one on Saturday and one next Wednesday. I feel slightly bad that it’s worked out like this – I’d have preferred to arrange to meet one, see how it went, then if necessary arrange to meet another, etc. but this is how it has turned out. G says one of them will be a no-show, but I reckon they will all turn up as they all seem very gentlemanly. I’m meeting the first two in pubs, and the third possibly in a wine bar. So at least I’m getting out there. It could be amusing, and who knows!

I also have a slight dilemma. While I was away at the weekend, a girl emailed me at some length and she seems to be intelligent and said nice things, but she’s just not my type. The question is whether I should reply and say you seem really nice but… or just not reply. I suspect if I was advising someone else in this situation I’d say don’t reply, but it feels awfully rude when somebody has gone to so much trouble to write a long email.

On the other hand, internet dating etiquette (once a sociologist always a sociologist) appears to be that your first contact with someone should be short, which would make it easier not to respond if one doesn’t want to. It’s the fact that she’s written such a long message that makes me feel a response is required. What to do. Argh! Any advice welcomed.

with the internet dating and I have 10 “fans” and 3 meetings lined up / about to be lined up… wish me luck!

My excellent friend Mr Jones told me it would be like this, but I didn’t really believe him. I’m glad we didn’t sign up at the same time actually as then it would have felt like a competition. I’m just so relieved that anyone out there is interested, after nearly 2 years of nothing. And all 3 chaps sound very nice and promising, but I feel quite relaxed about it, so if none of them is second date material, then I’ll just keep going.

so far so good with the internet dating – 5 “fans”, 2 of whom have emailed me, one of whom seems dodgy and one seems nice. I’ve decided to be proactive and add some others to my favourites, so we’ll see if any of them reciprocates… In the meantime I’ve been improving my profile, and decided to be completely honest and go for it, so have ticked the women box as well as the men box (eek!) I have no experience in that department but it could be interesting! ;)