write and perform silly songs, make loads of money and fly around in a diamond-encrusted spaceship called the SoaP Dragon with my fellow Snakes on a Plane bandmates

this?

Poodle choir makeover suggestions. Weird and downright disturbing in some cases, although the pirate one has a certain je ne sais quoi. I think I prefer the natural look :)

Mugs of vodka at the ready – you’re going to need them!

You can download the song Moose and I wrote on Friday as an mp3 file here (I hope it works!)

The song, which we dubbed “Crap” for short, is dedicated to the wonderful Madam Ish who inspired the chorus. Here are the lyrics so you can shout along _{apologies for the giggling between verses!}

When the Hand of Fate is giving you a slap
Don’t fall into the Gloomy Trap
Cheer up and give a one-armed flap
Cause life’s too short to wallow in crap!

When the guy you’re dating is a total git
You get him undressed and find he’s not so fit
You can always do a midnight* flit
Cause life’s too short to wallow in shit!

When you’re feeling sad and blue
And you can’t figure out what to do
Don’t start crying in the loo (NO!)
Cause life’s too short to wallow in poo!

Welcome to 2009
Some rain will fall but the sun will shine!
Everything’s going to be just fine
Cause life’s too short not to have a good time!

When your parrot has eaten your treasure map
Stop being such a total sap
Hop on the train – but Mind the Gap!
Cause life’s too short to wallow in crap!
Life’s too short to wallow in crap!

(yeah! etc.etc.)

Midnight flit should have been moonlight, oops!

Enjoy!

Juries are going to make a comeback! Read all about it here!

Svante Stockelius, Eurovision’s executive supervisor, said: “Nothing is more democratic than the vote of the public. But a jury takes the opportunity to listen to the songs several times before they make up their minds. We believe a combination will make the show more interesting.”

Hmmmm…..

Does this mean no soppy ballads from Russians in half-open white shirts who fancy themselves rather too much, with foppish ice skaters prancing in the background, in future? I do hope so. On the other hand, am not convinced that the Latvian Wolves of the Sea would have fared better with anyone who had to listen to it more than once ;)

to write a song to celebrate the Gang’s trip to Oslo. We had an amazing time and CC SoapDragon was a most excellent tour guide. In fact it was tempting to hire a bus so she could navigate the one-way streets and provide commentary on every building.

Apologies if it’s a bit Nordkrapp, but this is what I came up with.

With Arrogant Dragon as our guide, we were never bored
Lots of snortfullll times were had as we frolicked the fjord
On the rare days when it rained, in hotel lifts we toured
_{Liverpaste kisses, fishpudding eyes…}

The sun would rise at five a.m., we woke up far too early
Had to drink ten coffees and then eat a Curly Wurly
Checking out our finger lengths to see who was most girly
_{Liverpaste kisses, fishpudding eyes…}

We decided to walk quickly past the museum of sea-farts
But strolling round the city we saw that most Norwegian arts
Are based around the concept of dismembered body parts
_{Liverpaste kisses, fishpudding eyes…}

Practising the art of pic-nic made us all quite merry
First we drank a can or six of 4.7% perry
Then moved on to a wine made from the scary Black Crowberry
_{Liverpaste kisses, fishpudding eyes…}

We never got to hear Cora’s famous signature scream
But we can confirm Norwegian chocolate is a dream
Meloncholy cocktails were all part of the scheme
_{Liverpaste kisses, fishpudding eyes…}

Holed up with a great big stash of Pringles in our lair
I’d get up to make a drink, CC would nick my chair
And hastily start discussing whether dogs have fur or hair
_{Liverpaste kisses, fishpudding eyes…}

We never did find Morten but we found the river police
And we also learned that in emergencies
A cocktail shaker can be made from a jar of chickpeas
_{Liverpaste kisses, fishpudding eyes…}

Making sure we never ran out of canine supplies
Brilliant Ziida agents in a curlygirl disguise
For such good behaviour they deserve a tasty prize
Liverpaste kisses, fishpudding eyes
Liverpaste kisses, fishpudding eyes!

Hurrah! :)

should clearly be included in our emergency pirate bags from now on. See story here!

A white bichon frise, while its owner was distracted by a pigeon flying up the chimney! Check it out here.

Clearly we need to recruit Charlie to the poodle wannabe choir immediately!

The BBC are at it again. See story here. They’re called Mauve Stingers – that would be a good name for a rock band (if we didn’t have one already, of course).

Stine, hope you’re on the case! Toxic jelly is your specialist subject!

Is anyone else getting a SuperCheer message coming up from time to time, when you cheer someone? This just started happening this morning. Apparently you can “upgrade” your cheer to a SuperCheer and the first one is free, which ominously suggests that the rest are paid-for. Cheer inflation, whatever next?

Ladies, I’m shocked that nobody brought this story to my attention. Someone at the party on Saturday was talking about it (an academic, so obviously she spends most of her time on the BBC website) and I felt quite ashamed of my ignorance.

_{just goes to show, one should always stick to dark chocolate}

on the BBC website here reminded me of Stine, and I just thought I’d share ;)