Stop caring what other people think of me

I went to a church event last night, and afterwards there was pizza. Everyone was just standing around instead of eating, but I was too hungry to wait! So I just went on my own, got two slices and started eating. Then I dropped the pizza on the floor. Oh well, I threw it out and got another piece. Eventually, a group of boys followed, but that was a few minutes later. It was a little embarassing, but honestly, I realized I didn’t care. If people are too scared to be the first one to eat, well that’s just pathetic. I won’t be one of those people.

So I’m learning to let loose and have fun, even if it means looking a little goofy. I had a great time at Homecoming, my boyfriend and I danced like little kids!! I’m not into “dirty dancing” and refused to give into the pressure of dancing that way. People looked at us like, what are they doing? But I don’t care. I realized it doesn’t matter, the people who thought we looked stupid are people I will probably never see again after I graduate, and besides, who cares what they think? :)

Homecoming is tonight and I’m really nervous. There are a few guys in our group that I know don’t like my boyfriend at all, and I don’t think he even knows it. It drives me crazy, and makes me feel insecure about our relationship… I know I can’t worry about what they think of him. Plus neither me nor my boyfriend can dance…. and I’m really nervous because I rather not make a fool out of myself. I need to learn to let go and have a good time, but I’m so caught up in what others will think when they see me dance. Plus I’m embarassed of my boyfriend’s dancing skills, which is a terrible thing to say I know. I feel really self-conscious but I pray I can get over it, I really want to enjoy myself tonight.

Okay, I know this sounds ridiculous, but I have become obsessed with body language. Whenever I am talking to someone, friend or stranger, I am constantly looking to see if they are comfortable around me based on how they crossed their legs, because when you cross your leg away from someone, it suggests that you feel uncomfortable. So if they are sitting like this, I panic, question what I must be doing to make them comfortable, change the subject, sit farther away from them, do whatever I can so that they will change their sitting position so that their leg is crossed in my direction, suggesting they are engaged and comfortable. I know that sounds crazy… I don’t really know how to stop.