Live Without Fear

I try not to embarrass myself too often, but sometimes it’s a good time! Last weekend I was dragged up on a stage at this one night club and I danced…something I never would have done before, ever. However I realized immediately that it was fun and stupid of me to be afraid of something trivial like this. I also have to stop cringing when guys look at me and this was good practice. haha I’m weird.

I’m getting a bit out of practice with this ever since school let out. I dunno if I’m just getting less focused or what, but I need to stick with this goal. In fact, I’m adding it to my list of New Year’s resolutions/goals right now.

Last week I went to a big concert alone. Something I never would have done before, but I wanted to see the band too much to miss it. I would have paid for someone’s ticket if they weren’t almost $70, but I just couldn’t afford it.
So yeah, I’m glad I was brave enough to do it. It was a great show and I don’t regret going at all. :)

So I’ve learned that the phrase, which I thought was really stupid, “You should do something every day that scares you” is actually a really good idea. I’ve been following this saying without even realizing it lately. It just seems that ever since I started going forward with things the moment I hesitate, that it becomes much easier and that now I’m constantly saying, wow I never thought I’d be doing this and I’m having a really great time!

Self-defense class is going great and today after class, I walked across a giant bridge I would normally have been afraid of walking across on my way walking home. Yes walking the 2 miles home, just cause I felt like it. Strange things happen when you don’t care about stupid stuff anymore. :)

After much hesitation, I just forced myself to go to the class and it was actually fun. So yes, another case of worrying over nothing. I really have to stop doing that!
The class continues all semester so this should be good practice for me to continue to face my fears on a weekly basis. By the end of the semester, I’ll have learned how to defend myself AND have learned how to throw guys over my shoulder, which should be a really good time. haha

My english teacher just happens to be some crazy martial arts guy who is holding a self-defense class this semester at school for free.
At first, I was thinking no way. Then…yeah. I’m afraid of getting robbed, not out on the street, but in my own apartment and I need to get over this fear. I’ll be moving to NYC in less than a year and I live in one of the craziest neighborhoods as it is in Pittsburgh right now and I could sure use the extra protection. Not to mention it might be really fun getting to throw guys around, which he has assured us will happen.
Maybe I can accomplish two goals with one: I can conquer my fear of helplessness by learning to defend myself using my own body and I can also get some of this horrible aggression that I have out.
The only thing stopping me is being afraid to show up for the class. Geez louise.

This goal is becoming less and less hard and that is great news for me. On vacation at the beach I did a whole bunch of things I normally would’ve been afraid to do:
-ate sushi (I still don’t know what to think about it)
-ate crab (I hate all seafood..this was a major one)
-rode a scooter (I think the boxed wine helped prepare me)
-was gutsy with the guys, but I still didn’t break my goal!
-wore dresses, despite hating my legs and got over it
-did backup singing/sat there while my friends made $ singing on the boardwalk (I hate all attention and man, did I hafta get over that quick being part of a performance)
& a whole bunch of other stuff happened that’s not important, but what is, is that I had the time of my life when I just let go and had fun!
Hesitation no more!

So I did something I never thought I’d do last night…go to the new 80’s night when there was only a slight chance I’d run into someone I knew. Yes, I went to a bar by myself. Yikes. My friends were originally going to go and then canceled on me and after work I decided to go anyways and not be such a wuss.
I actually had a great time. Ran into people I knew and met some new ones as well. Actually danced when there were very few people dancing, which should be another goal in itself. haha
The trick is to as soon as you feel the hesitation, just do whatever it is, because the longer you hesitate the less a chance it’s going to get done!

this has been a problem of mine for quite some time. it definitely goes way back to my childhood and i’m getting kind of sick of it running my life. i’m such a worrier and half the things i worry about don’t end up coming true anyways, so it’s a total waste of time.
and i don’t want fear to keep me from moving back to nyc or from doing stupid little things like riding the incline in pittsburgh.