Feel good about myself

I want to feel good about myself. I want to hold myself in the esteem I used to hold myself into. I want to stop rating myself on the scales of social definitions. I want to be my own master. I do not want to be at the mercy of the externals. I want to be in control. I do not want to be helpless. I want to smile. I want to feel happy. I want to dance like nobody is watching. I want to live like I am immortal. I want to be in the moment. I want to love myself. I want to take pride in myself. I want my son to take pride in himself. I want to feel fulfilled. I do not want to give up. Yet I want to renounce. But I do not want to renounce because I gave up. He gave me what I am today. I want to give Him back something more, something beautiful, something well created, well used. I want to be appreciated. I want to see myself as the one who has realized all. I want to see myself as fulfilled. Someone as complete. Someone in completely harmony with the one above. In one word, bliss. for which, I will have to renounce. and I will have to embrace. it is not about closing a door one and opening a door on something other. It is crossing over. Simply, crossing over.