reinvent myself

I had some light bulb moments today. With the help from Velveteen Traces, I realized my shadow is emerging. The great psychologist Carl Jung said that when we create a persona we by definition create a shadow. Many times that shadow contains healthy parts of us that we repress, usally through adult influence. If we can’t find ways to incorporate that apsect of ourselves into our lives we really become ill emotionally.

This means a lot to me, because really if I am only letting healthier parts of myself emerge I’m becoming who I always was. I’m going be writing more on this later. I’m embaraking on a spiritual excercise through the Heal Your Life Workbook by Louise Hay. I’m very excited. Out of the shadows…

I guess it is natural to bump into ones old self on the way to your new self…I mean I hope. Times are confusing for me right now. People have a tendency to attempt keeping me just as I am right now. It is hard to leave what you have always known. I have decided to really get with it and visualize what I want and just floor it in that direction. I can’t be responsible if people get injured by latching on to my bumper as I live the unbearable behind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jk4AF0YNMRI

Today I didn’t let myself talk myself out of a going to and participating in an Obama campaign event I signed up for. Of course the person who I was working for didn’t show up, but I did it anyway. I also went to church and invited Archer and Bobbi out to eat. We went to cracker barrel. I love the atmosphere of the place.
The service was great at SNC and the conversation at CB was great. I wondered around the store a bit. I found a couple of things I’d like to get. I came home and moved a lamp into the kitchen as I am working on my house. It looks great on the baker’s rack. I was also excited about the sharpe’s message on the contemplative prayer life. It is a discipline that promises transformation and that is what reinventing onself is about.

I want to become all things I dreamt of before I learned to settle for so little. When I was young I was so active. Moving, climbing, exploring. Little by little obesity took those options away from me. I don’t want to be defined by this depressing past any longer. I want to decide who I really am and reject this self that believed all the hurtful things that were said and done to her.