soulsistaa is doing 11 things including…

Improve my self-esteem

23 cheers

 

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soulsistaa has written 21 entries about this goal

Untitled

Letting the negative ppl go has improved my self esteem…stopping tolerating disrespect….valuing who I am..



Untitled

If someone tells you they dont love you anymore, don’t want you and don’t feel the same way anymore, what can you do but let them go? Even if they did say they didn’t mean it….once those words have been said…you cannot take em back…I’m worth more than that, even if my self esteem is low…it aint THAT low. thank you.



Why did I do that?

Messed up, regret it, cant change it now, not gonna let it affect me or drag me backwards. Looks like he’ll always be around, he isnt stupid, he knows a good thing, I guess more tight boundaries are needed on my part, not as strong as I convinced myself I was. But I realise I’m not where I was emotionally. Which is a good thing.
However, even tho I feel like I’ve lost my power to him, really I havent.

Not gonna change anything what I was doing before. Not gonna go backwards, how can a person who doesnt know what they want and keeps switching make me happy, I told him despite how much he misses me, once he knows what he wants then maybe we can have a conversation, its not wise to go back, I pray that I get stronger in this area.



Didnt expect that

after my ex told me he found someone new, it hurt me so bad, been putting the pieces back together and only recently starting to force myself to stop imagining him with whoever lately, still had few tearful days but they have been less and less. Been talking bout my emotions and just releasing the hurt, hour by hour, despite what ppl say I felt he threw me in the trash.
Last night he sent me some msgs asking me to spend the night with him….I was very shocked….insulted…then found it comical in a sick kind of way…I was in a place to reject him…and I did… he either isnt with anybody, or it didnt work out..or she dnt mean much to him…either way…I know MY self worth! how very dare he! I am not going to assume his reasons, feelins, emotions, or lack of…because I do NOT know…but either way, i’m not gonna allow him to use and abuse and hurt me again…he’s so mixed up its untrue…how can a man be 43 and still act like a teenager…he doesnt know what he wants..clearly..but I never expected him to ask to spend the night with me or tell me he misses me..not after he told me he met someone else.



Take That gigs

I think my 2nd night at the Take that gig has kinda given me a lil more of a boost. Well, more to the point Robbie giving me some attention from the band…mademe think, I caught Robbie Williams eye, WHY am I stressin bout my ex? *random and probably short lived boost lol *



Can I just say..

Size 12-14!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

woohooo

less than a year ago I was in 18-20



Be Led by God, Not Others (1) 20 Jun 2011

’...led by the Spirit of God…’ Romans 8:14

Life is like a maze; it’s easy to get lost. Pressure comes at us from every direction to keep others happy. We study the important people in our lives, trying to decide what they want from us and how to give it to them, and in the process we lose ourselves.
You need to stop and ask, ‘Who am I living for? Why am I doing the things I do?’ Paul writes, ‘Having gifts… that differ… let us use them’ (Romans 12:6 AMP).
What has God called and equipped you to do? Those who succeed at being themselves don’t allow others to control them because they’re led by God. ‘As many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.’ Don’t be upset because people place demands on you.
It’s your life, take charge of it!
The pressures you feel right now may not be coming from others at all; they may be coming from your own people-pleasing instincts! Yes, there are times when we all do things we’d rather not do.
We do them because we love others, and in so doing we show ’...the fruit of the Spirit…’ (Galatians 5:22).
But that’s different from being controlled by your own insecurities or the endless demands of others.
When you try to become everything to everybody, you get lost in the process. Plus, when you live for people’s approval, you risk forfeiting God’s. It’s time you started praying, ’...”Lord, what do You want me to do?”...’ (Acts 9:6 NKJV).
Once He reveals it to you, commit yourself to it fully, regardless of who does or doesn’t agree.



Progress

I’m still not going back to the anti depressants, I know that with God’s help and my willingness I can beat the depression from coming back!

I’m still excercing and eating decently.

In addition to this, I’ve been watching a lot of youtube videos on stuff I can do to my hair and beauty. Have experimented with both cooking stuff out of cook books and beauty, natural remedies, make up and hair, it all helps m eon my journey but I know its not a solution. Every bit helps.

The journey of a 1000 miles, begins with one step….



Progress ish'

I’ve been maintaining the walking and jogging, healthy supplements and juicing, I decided to stop taking the anti depressants last week, I wish to try and move forward without them. Been doing ok.
I miss my ex as I still love him, he told me the same. Only thing is, he doesnt seem to have changed his ways, I wish I didnt love him so much, but anyway, need to try and stop thinking about him.



Untitled

It’s been a rough, soul damaging few months, I guess life has really taken its toll on me more than I realised. I’ve been praying, doing the things I think I need to, but yet, each day I am still crying, hurts from the broken relationship, the broken heart, the loss of my job, the bad news on my fertility, the dashed hopes and dreams, I’ve tried to pick myself up, but yet the tears keep flowing, I will be starting councelling soon as in Oct I ended up in hospital after an attempted overdose. As of last week Friday, my Dr, yet again, offered me anti-depressants, of which I have been declining as I have never agreed with them. It seems I cannot cope on my own so decided to take them. He thinks it will help me get through this rough time I am going through and doesnt see me on them long term, he has started me on a low dose.

I have mixed feelings that I am even on these things, the fact I have always been against them, never realising I would give in and take them myself.
I know God has a plan for me, I know good things are coming…



soulsistaa has gotten 23 cheers on this goal.

 

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