I need to be better, not bitter
I realise I don’t trust men, I’m always suspicious now
I keep having horrible thoughts of the last words my ex said to me that he told another woman he wants to be with her and that he is sleeping with her. This makes me feel horrible, angry, hurt, tearful and nauseous…. asking myself why do I feel this way?
-rejection from someone i love
- him embracing someone else, not me
-that after all i did for me, it wasnt enough for decent treatment
-wondering why he treated me like a dog when I treated him like a king
-recognising his cycles, he has done this before thru life with other women, I thought he was worth giving a chance to, I got burned and let down, i didnt realise
- the not nice truth that my body is still craving him but having the knowledge that he is sharing his body with another while I hold my pillow for comfort…..so many thoughts, feelings, emotions
Wondering why my Dad bothered to take my number if he didnt plan on using it or replying to my texts, I should be used to a lifetime of rejection from him, but it would be nice if he took an interest, I guess I keep ending up meeting guys like him, or maybe all guys are the same, unfaithful, jumping from one to the next, always wanting more and something new?
Thinking I do appreciate my friends, but while they all have kids or partners, nobody wants to come out, its ok being on the phone but sometimes I need to go out, I wanna have fun again, be in places to meet new people
Need to stop letting men into my zone who only appreciate one thing, need to recognise good from bad
Thinking bout what my mom would say to me if she was still alive, also thinking would she have gotten healed herself, she had so many issues from her life, I wonder if she would ever have found Jesus had she been given an extension on here life
Wondering why God has taken so many of my people away, and everytime I feel I am going to get my happy ever after, my family of my own, its ripped away from me, why?
Why couldnt my ex have stayed the distance instead of calling our wedding off 6 days before, he was a decent faithful man, a christian, but he’s now married to a bishop’s daughter, maybe I’m just not good enough for a good man….but then maybe its not about being good enough, it’s about becoming more than who I am to be able to impact others more, I wanna be a wife and a mother, but at 35 and living with a broken heart and spirit, what really can I offer anyone right now. But If I had somethin decent, someone to protect and love me rather than reject me, I could be happy. again.
Lord, I’m not asking for much….