have more confidence in myself

For whatever reason – either by divine will or some fluke of scheduling, I recently ended up working in the Blood Bank for five days straight. Usually we rotate in a number of departments (Chemistry, Microbiology, Urinalysis, etc.) so you never have to endure the stress of Blood Bank on a permanent basis.

Those five days were probably the worst five days I’ve worked at my job. There have been so many critically ill patients lately. The ER was hopping and the OR was hopping and everybody needed blood. One night I must have run up and down the stairs to the OR 30 times – the second I would get back upstairs they would call again for more blood products. Everything was stat and critical and life or death…I thought my head was spinning so much it would just fly off into the sky like a balloon.

The one good thing to come out of this? Experience. And a certain mental “toughening” that comes with enduring awful nights like that. Whatever is thrown at me from now on – I know I can deal with it. It was an awful time to live through but I know it has made me a better tech in the end.

I’m playing trumpet at my church tomorrow. My organist/old high school friend got together a group of us in the congregation that play instruments and put a little band together. We rehearsed a couple of nights ago, and everything went well until he uttered the words that have always stuck fear in my heart….”Let’s do some improv!” After nearly peeing my pants and completely freaking out, he explained that one piece we are playing tomorrow morning will be completely improvised and…(suspenseful pause)...Liz gets to have the second solo!

Sigh. I don’t do improv. Not then, not now, not ever. In high school when I was in the jazz band, I did everything EXCEPT improvisational solos. Everyone knew this and accepted it…it was just my thing. The thought of thinking up music on the fly in front of people makes me want to vomit.

I’m trying….REALLY trying to rise above my anxiety and use this as a way to overcome my fear and have more confidence in myself, etc. etc. However, part of me is so annoyed at my friend for putting me into this position. We went to high school together, played in jazz band together, and he already knows EXACTLY how I feel about this whole thing. I’m angry he would put me into such an uncomfortable situation.

I know this is just church and not on stage with the Boston Pops or something…but I can’t wait for this to be over tomorrow!

that has been training me complimented me today and said that I have “nerves of steel”. We were dealing with an extremely intense situation in the blood bank and I remained calm and didn’t freak out _{(on the outside anyway. She has no idea how close I came to peeing my pants!)}

I’m going to try to remember things like this to hopefully pump myself up and give me more confidence when I’m feeling down about myself.