stop apologizing for being somewhat of an introvert

I went to a work party yesterday at the house of a wonderful woman who cleans the lab for us. She is from Italy and put together the most beautiful Italian spread. She made eggplant parmasean, delicious pizza, homemade pasta and meatballs, fresh baked bread and wine that she and her husband make themselves. All of the fruit and vegetables she served were picked fresh from her garden, and even the chicken we ate was from her chicken coop that morning. Absolutely wonderful and it was great to experience how she puts a meal together.

The reason I put this entry here is that I was VERY shy through most of this event. I think my shyness ratchets up exponentially with the number of people I am around. I’m ok with just one, maybe two, but this party had about 20 or so and I had a difficult time opening my mouth (except to eat the food!).

All during the party I was uncomfortable about that and getting down on myself, but after I got home I thought about this goal. It’s OK that I am quiet! I’ve worked with most of these people for almost two years now, and I’m sure it wasn’t a shock to them that I was pretty quiet. They shouldn’t judge me for that either. I really need to keep working on this and keep remembering that some people are quiet and that’s not a bad thing.

really well with this for quite some time, and now all of the sudden I notice myself feeling downright awful about my quietness. What’s up with that? I need to be more consious of my negative self-talk and stop worrying so much. Being upset about being introverted has the nasty consequence of making you more introverted, which keeps the cycle going and going… It’s breaking that cycle that is key, and hopefully I’ll be able to do that soon.

I went to my department’s Christmas party at work last night. I’ve been on vacation for this whole week, but I didn’t want to miss our party with the big pot luck dinner and Secret Santa. I was a little apprehensive before going – social situations like this always bring out my shyness. However, after getting there I realized that everyone seemed really excited to see me and it didn’t matter that I’m quiet. I tend to worry about how little I am talking and I don’t end up seeing that people seem to actually enjoy my company. It was a great moment of clarity, and I managed to open up and have a great time.

This goal is a tough one, but the rewards for succeeding are very sweet. :)

Particularly at work. I’m not the most talkative person – not by a long shot! But that’s ok. I’ve come to realize that people don’t look down on me because I’m quiet. And the less I worry about it, the more talkative I likewise become.

to think of this goal more often. A few hours ago the other techs had a “welcome party” for me with pizza and green colored desserts (in honor of St. Patrick’s day). They were so sweet to do this and I was very happy and touched. However, I think I probably said about 5 words during the entire thing. There’s something about being the center of attention in a large group of people who already all know each other…it just makes me clam up. I can never think of anything to say.

I should think of this goal when I’m starting to feel anxious about it. I doubt that people really care all that much. I imagine most people who enter a new environment don’t come crashing in like gang busters talking up a storm. I just hope that eventually I’ll open up more and stop being so quiet.