spittingvenom in New Haven is doing 32 things including…

stop picking my skin


 

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spittingvenom has written 10 entries about this goal

halfway through day 2.

well, that new face wash has done two things for me.

1. removed any doubt from my mind that the reason my skin is so bad is because I CAN’T STOP FUCKING IT UP. because this stuff has…

2. dramatically refined my skin. i can’t remember the last time it looked this good… between the scabs and red marks that is.

arg :[



i hope my hairdresser doesn't look at my face too closely...

i was up to day 3, with my new face wash. then i got home from work last night and couldn’t resist squeezing a stupid insignificant pore… and then you all know how the story goes, it’s like the gross version of a Lay’s potato chip commercial, “betcha can’t just pick one” ugh. luckily there’s not too much damage. back to square one again, glad that i’m far too busy to do the same today.

and i know it’s early but i think, and i stress THINK, i like this face wash. the instructions are kind of peculiar, but my skin is already very different, my breakouts aren’t the same and my pores are visibly smaller (when you’ve been picking at your face for 10 years you can tell) no unecessary dryness or anything like that…

we’ll see.



so...

i’ve been very bad lately. between my period and the stress of my impending birthday (24, ugh) my skin has been a hot mess. and i’ve indulged it. i’m going out for dinner on saturday night with a lot of friends i haven’t seen for a while and i’d like to look presentable so my goal is to at least not pick until then. staying a safe distance from the mirrors in my apartment and not touching my mothers magnifying mirror when i go to visit (that’s where i always do the worst damage) will help the most, and i’m also waiting for a new face wash… has anyone else tried Carley’s Clear & Smooth?

i hope i don’t end up wishing i’d bought the boots instead…



day three... attempt 2,896.

skin is looking ok, but i know it’s going to blow up in the next few days. i need to keep myself busy and stay a safe distance from the mirror… my birthday is in one week, i’m turning 24, not 14… and i’d like it to look that way!

on a positive note: i found this picture of myself online from saturday night (i’m the tired chick on the far right) and even though i look exhausted – i’m not totally embarrassed for once, my skin looks pretty nice even though i was sick all last week. i’m going to try and keep it in mind as inspiration, even though irl it really didn’t look like that, ha.



the future.

man… you ladies are brave! i won’t be caught dead bare face in public or online for a long time yet. my red marks, and scabbed skin are not pretty.

i’m really afraid of what i will look like when i’m older. i checked-in a middle aged woman tonight at work (hotel) and the texture of her skin was god AWFUL, i could tell that it was from picking.

this just solidifies how badly i need to make an appointment with the derm…

i wonder how other people see me… does my face really look as bad to them, as it looks to me?



2 days.

i was angry enough at myself for what i did to stay a safe distance away from the mirror the past few days. i’m going to have a fairly busy weekend so hopefully i won’t think about it too much. wish me luck!



faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaailed.

notice how i’ve been quiet the past few days? yeah, that’s because i suck at this. my skin is healing well from my last major pickfest but i am getting some serious fresh breakouts, probably from the home microdermabrasion/glycolic peel i did. i’d love to say that tomorrow will be day 1 again, but i don’t want to lie. i’m not doing the obsessive stare down so my face is looking better overall, but any picking is bad picking, right? right.



failed.

it was mostly “unfinished business”... not that that’s any excuse. face doesn’t look any worse than it did before, which i’m thankful for.

starting again tomorrow!



day 1

so far so good. yesterday was supposed to be day 1 but a nasty whitehead on my chin wasn’t going to let that happen. i did a face mask last night and i’m staying away from the bathroom mirror. just need to keep myself busy.

i’m going to look good for my birthday if it kills me.



years.

this used to be squeezing out the pores on my nose or popping the occasional whitehead, but as time has gone on it turned into my escape. if i have a bad day i will lock myself in the bathroom and go around in circles for hours looking for any blemish or plugged up pore… destroying any progress i may have made in the previous days. it makes me late for work, late for everything and anything, actually.

i am lucky that i only have very minimal scarring and pockmarks, but some very damaged pores… and i can’t seem to go anywhere without makeup on because of the red marks. i don’t know if bare minerals was a blessing or a curse for hiding this dirty little habit as well as it does.

i’m making an appointment with a dermatologist and throwing away my magnifying mirror, taking vitamins and drinking as much water as possible. i don’t want to be this girl anymore.



 

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