overcome depression and loneliness

I am having a terrible day..I am stressed cause I want to find a decent place to live and have more money and I want to be thinner…

why me? i have worked so hard at this, CBT, counselling, medication, meditation, yoga (was voluntarily teaching yoga), exercise..I do lots of things that are suppose to ‘help’ it but I still have it.

My depression was also worse when things were starting to look good for me. I lived in a nice place, could drive my mums car, had an interesting project and had money coming in, had an extremely good group of friends and had time to exercise/dance. However, that still wasnt enough for me and everyday i woke up and I didnt want to face the day. It felt like something was missing and i didnt know what.

I moved away from my so called good life to figure things out and to pursue another career which may make me happier. Unfortunately now I am suffering loss and am missing the life I use to have. This new career is a huge struggle and may not be even possible for me. The question is that I hope to god I will be happy when I get it, if I get it!

Perhaps I should be grateful for the fact that I am trying to fight this depression and that it is taking my life in interesting directions. The things that are my burdens may also be the things that save me.

Take for instance, when I was younger and I had social anxiety disorder. I think this disorder actually saved me because it meant that I never went to parties when there was a lot of drugs and underage drinking. I stayed clear of boys and I focused on my studies. Although I did wish I had more friends and was more popular, I became a stronger person on my own with good values. In some ways, I wish my social anxiety cotinued through university as I would have had less guy problems or alchohol problems.

So I guess, in some ways I am sort of happy that my life is a mess again and I am trying to figure it out. It would be dissapointing if my so called perfect life was easy to obtain and I was not happy when I got it. I have realised that my happiness is in my struggles rather than my victories because I usually dont like celebrating them for too long anyway.