stargirl0 in Nantucket is doing 28 things including…

decide what the hell I would like to do with the rest of my life

9 cheers

 

Sponsored Links

Decide What I Want

www.wow.com/Decide+What+I+Want     Search for Decide What I Want Look Up Quick Results Now!

To Hell With Love

www.amazon.com/     Buy to hell with love at Amazon! Free Shipping on Qualified Orders.

Have an Affair Tonight

www.xdating.com/     Meet hot local singles online now. Free browse their profiles.

stargirl0 has written 11 entries about this goal

postmodern career counseling plz k thnx

Last week, out of the blue, Sara announced that she’s decided to become a math teacher. She’s switching into math eduction next semester.
Chris is in the process of realizing that he has wanted to be a pilot for his entire life. He told his grandfather this and he (his grandfather) got choked up, because apparently he (Chris) would be the fifth generation of pilots in his family.
I have no such certainty.



i'm not making any kind of point here, fyi.

I’ve been feeling oddly suggestible lately, intellectually open minded in a that uniquely confused, adolescent way. I’m conscious of ideas being put into my head.
I just read The Corrections and then Freedom, by Jonathan Franzen, and this quote from Freedom particularly stuck with me: “Her daughter and her friends really are somewhat different from Patty and her generation – the world looks scarier to them, the road to adulthood harder and less rewarding”. My mom reads these books as entertainment, partly the schadenfreude kind, but I read them as primarily warnings, a kind of what-not-to-do. I recognize possibilities (though, as usual, everyone in this book is obscurely well-to-do in the kind of way that I don’t ever expect to be), and also the sorts of mistakes that I will eventually make, the same mistakes that everyone makes, and I wonder if this is actually how life works, in the post-educational-industrial-complex void that is basically a ghastly blank to me. Will the same five people actually shape my entire life from college on? Is this even possible?
I’ve also been watching a lot of reality TV, and asking the same sorts of questions: Why do these people have so much money? How did they arrive in their positions? What do they actually do with their time and the emotional and intellectual depths that they are pretty obviously not plumbing? Are they sustainable? Are they human?
The media presents a way of living that is so totally divorced from the realms of concrete productivity as to exist in a different spatial dimension. What else is new.



it's ongoing.

It’s really interesting, to me, to have this concrete archive of the ways in which my perception of the future is changing. When I added this goal in April, 2009, I was in a radically different place than I am now. Let’s see…
Education: I’m in college, yo, reading about NGOs and tumuli. Things came together.
Good citizenship: thanks to the primordially bad citizenship I engaged in back in the day, I have a nice little bankroll being funneled, in bite-sized pieces, toward various less fortunates.
Time: it moves like honey, and I don’t drown.
Communication: fuck knows, mang.
Secret plans: uh, yes. :)



One thing that, hell, I would like to do at some point during the rest of my life:

Not feel like I am clinging to moral solvency by the tips of my teeth.



newsflash: it's difficult to be a teenager.

Lately I just bike around very quickly, up and down the hill that leads to the observatory. Up and down, up and down, and all through the town at midnight, standing up on my pedals on the cobblestones, and spinning my wheels around the empty rotary in the darkness while the stars spin the other way. The burden of all of my miscellaneous fear is like a string of sash weights strung around my neck, and our English epic poetry unit has me babbling alliteratively. Help?
Basically I just have no idea where I’m going right now (other than up and down and around and around, obviously). I have this very concrete idea of where I want to be in, say, five years, or even next year, but this year itself is just horrifying blankness and I don’t know how to deal with it. I feel like I’m having to feel out this college/life planning (/, gulp, family planning) nonsense all by my lonesome, which is particularly infuriating because I’m aware of the trillions of people who have successfully navigated late adolescence before me, and it seems like we ought to have figured out some sort of established routine by now.
I’d like a rite of passage, please.



"shut up, self righteous hippie."

I have a lot of respect for hallucinogens- in the right hands, they’re powerful tools, and, when used creatively and judiciously, they really can open minds and bring a particular bright sort of peace.
But.
Tonight the internet is making me worry. In the course of the rest of my life, while doing whatever the hell I do with it, I want to see legalization, cultural integration, and education programs in schools. I want to turn people like this into people like this; I want fewer idiots falling down in parking lots and more meaningful connections with God, whatever it’s felt to be.
No more “it soudns like fun except the halucination part i’m scared of. how addictive is it?”. No more “it probaly weridest drugs ive ever done at 1 point ive never been so fcked up and be so confussed about at da same tyme”.
In my lifetime, I want to see an increase in common sense, across the board.



Untitled

Tonight I made the tastiest food: chicken with onions and fingerling potatoes and waaaay too much tarragon, and “Mexican” chocolate pudding- sugar, cornstarch, espresso powder, milk and just a hit of Kahlua.
I want to spend the rest of my life telling stories about sadness and stories about peaceableness.
I want to spend the rest of my life chasing something greater than myself on roundabout byways.
I want to spend the rest of my life making this kind of progress.



mapquest has been unhelpful in this matter

This island in the fall is quite simply the most lovely of things, period. Africa is on fire, all yellow and orange and gold, and our local breed of tiny deer is moving around in the evening outside my window, and the density of the clouds is such that the sun lights up the world coldly under a black sky and the ground is covered in crisp leaf shadows and and and.
And I want to spend my life moving and out of some other place that is this bright and this empty. Is there one?



it could be better, but if it isn't, that's just fine

The other day I woke up, made coffee, puttered around in the garden, made lunch with my boyfriend, took a nap. Later I biked to the store, had dinner with Jess and Carl, and watched Fantastic Planet with a glass of wine and a consortium of friends. I got home just after midnight. Fed the dog. Took a shower. Checked my email.
Said quietly, to whatever god might be trolling the ether for clumsy prayers: if this was how it all turned out in the end, that would be ok by me.



sloooooowwwwwwwwly but semi-surely

If I take the tiny details on first, the bigger picture will come together of its own accord. Supposedly. Hypothetically. I hope.
I will most certainly not be striving at Princeton in six layers of eye makeup, becoming a “consultant” (what does that even mean?) in six inch pumps, and then marrying a “dependable” man with a six figure income. Thanks, Aunt Nancy, but no thanks.
Neither will I spend the rest of my life in sweatpants and shapeless tshirts as a tiny-eyed, flat-souled American…. nor as a sallow skinned, hollow eyed, hyper-aged druggie old maid. These are givens, but it’s good to get them out in public. I am resolved!
I will live in a crowded house with a covered porch and bright, happy colors, with a climbing tree and a spotted dog in the yard, and a long haired child in a baby seat on my bicycle.
And I will keep a loose hold on my present. Things end. Other things begin. I am resigned to spending the rest of my life in progress.



stargirl0 has gotten 9 cheers on this goal.

 

I want to:
43 Things Login