face my fears

So I overcame two instances of fear the other day.

First, at a career fair, there was a table from Exxon giving away plush tiger tails that you hang from your car. I felt nervous as I walked up to the table trying to steal one. But then I figured that it would look bad to just take one, so I wound up talking to one of the employee speakers for five minutes, pretending to be interested in working for Exxon. I lied and said I was thinking about majoring in computer science. And I went through with it until the speaker gave me my prize—the plush tiger tail.

Also, I found out a friend on my Livejournal Friends List was going to be at the expo. I’d never met the guy before, and thought it would be neat to see him face-to-face offline. When I found him at his work table, I admit, I walked by three times circling the fair because I couldn’t muster the courage to go and ask if it was the friend from my journal. I even left the fair and went outside, thinking that I can’t go talk to him. What if he pretended not to know me? What if I got the wrong guy? What if I come across as creepy by giving out his username?

But I went back inside, went to the table and asked him if he was (username @livejournal). He did look a little shocked, but then I introduced myself by username and real name. And I’m glad I went up to speak to him. He turned out to be a very nice guy. I also overcame one form of my fears—my shyness.

I admit—-I tend to live in fear of some things. I’m attending a second-rate university because I was afraid I couldn’t hack it in an out-of-town college. I feel like a bastard because I ran out from a blood bank feeling ill when I saw other bags filling up with blood from other people donating. I wish that I could learn how to face these fears and overcome them so that I could manage to quit living such a half-assed and boring life.

Yeah, this is going to be among the more challenging goals on this list. It’s not going to be easy. I’ve started on small things. I went back and made a left turn on a street where I was hit by another car while making a left turn. I did it to assure myself that I wasn’t going to wreck every time I drove on that street. I guess the root of my fears is based on the ultimate worst case scenario of being in deep trouble and being unable to help myself or to get help from someone else.