get in shape

breakfast was strawberries and granola. Tastier that it sounds. Bear naked banana nut.

Lunch. tomato, mozzarella, basil on rosemary

dinner. butternut squash and ham.

snack- apples and peanut butter.

Next step exercise and sleeping more than 4-6 hours a night.

I have had this goal of getting back in shape. It’s time to refocus and work on it.

Today I worked on healthy eatting.

lunch – tomato, mozzarella, basil on rosemary bread. with lemon juice

snack – cup of strawberries and walnuts

Dinner – couscous, steak, grilled veggies

snack – chocolate covered sunflower seeds

I walk 18 blocks to the Y and swim for 45min-1hr 2-3 times a week. It is a start.

Go to bed at 1:30 am

more sleep means more health and more energy. Studies show that more sleep helps you lose weight so tonight instead of 3am it’s 1:30am then earlier tomorrow.

for now I will still wake up at 9am

get to bed early.

sleep helps a body lose weight yes. It also helps health. Just more sleep nothing else.

I have been going to bed at 3am. earliest 2am waking up at 9am
ok sometimes 9:30

sleep is important for energy. so tonight- 1:30am. tomorrow-even earlier.

Ok I decided to start my own get-into-shape program. So far it’s been 1 week and I have lost 2lbs.

I have been looking at pictures of naked women. My heart is beating faster but it is not about sexual excitement. It is about my body. I am preparing.

I am ready to be fit. Not just skinny fat. But fit. I look at these women. I see my shape breast on one, my hips on another. Round butt. I can see me fit. A cut and paste Frankenstein fit. A part here a part there. It is amazing and scary. No one. Not one woman out there has my body. Not how it is now, big. Not as I look fit. It’s amazing how each body is different. Each woman so unique.

It is my choice. My image that counts. Living through that image. Then accepting what happens to my body.

I am ready is different. Incredible different than I want or I will be. I am ready to be fit. So ready that I am welling with tears. It is not about fear or sadness but possibility. I am there at the edge of a cliff ready to fly. Not because I will drop in weight or go down a size or because I will buy nice new clothes. No.

Why then? Because my life is about to change. Everything in my life because I am ready to recreate myself in my image. Everything that fits will stay and everything else is mine to shape mold, and color. How amazing is that? Knowing you have the power to do that. Knowing you are ready.

I’m a member of the New york sports club.

YEAAAAA!

bought a workout diary. to keep me honest. an activity for everyday.

lets see how this goes.

Compelled to by a moleskin book, I took a bus to forest hills. The bus ride became a moving mediation (just another way of saying I thought things out)
The primary question was. What am I going to do about my weight? Really my body. Weight is not the issue. The number is just that a place mark.
It is my body that does not match me. Funny how just a few days before I got a really nice tattoo and realized for the first time that I have a very attractive body. Yes it is full sized, large and even fat. Still it is attractive. The shape is pleasant even sexy. Since Thursday, tattoo day, it has finally sunk in I am sexy. This is not an outer attention thing, Sure men hit on me, younger men, older, professionals, body builders, firefighters. ( I think it’s the rescue me thing, bbw =hot sex) but now it is about me. I finally believe that I am beautiful. Funny when I was a model. I didn’t think I was. When I was 120lbs. I didn’t think I was. I thought other people saw me that way.
So here is what happened. I know. I am sexy, beautiful now it seems fine. Even inviting to lose weight. Strange how a switch can flip and it’s ok.
Is that all I needed to believe? That I’m pretty, sexy, sensual.
There I am on the bus. Meditating. And there is a grand opening of a New York sports club. Ok. Exercise. A bust my ass at the gym plan. That’s what I need. At least for now. I’ll find something closer. More me.
Off the bus and at the bookstore. YES they have moleskin, in and out before I pick up $$$ in books. 2moleskins in my purse, and across the street. New York sports club. On automatic I go in ask for a tour. 5 floors of equipment. Kettlebells, spinning class, Pilates, yoga, $89 a month. More $ to set up. Hmm. I make an appointment for Tuesday, if I sign up I get a discount.
The bus ride back I go all the way to manhattan. Check out crunch gym just over the 59th St gym. The “lets sign you up guy” there is… annoying. “Working out is hard and no fun” “there are all types of body types at this gym” “who works out at the gym next to you makes working out easier” he goes on to tell me that if the gym was just skinny people I would not want to workout.
Here goes. I tell him I really don’t care what the other people at the gym look like. As long as they are polite, even friendly. “yes you would, to be comfortable” no no I wouldn’t, I’m comfortable anywhere. (Hell I took a pole dancing class with size 0-6, in my size 20 glory)
I see his workout theory- here is mine. There is always someone hotter, younger, fitter, thinner than you. Even when I was young hot and thin. This isn’t about me vs them(who are them anyway) this is about being a better me. A me that fits the image in my mind.
Crunch $89 a month.
So where do I go to work out. The Y is 10 blocks away. They have a swim class. But I would have to sign up and pay extra for each class instead of just dropping in. would I get a good workout? Yea. The machines are ok. But. Basic. And it’s almost the same for one gym with no classes as crunch or nysc with multiples with classes.
Crunch is ok with interesting classes
Ny sports has more gyms. With 3 with in an hour commute.
Or do I just say I’m getting married and get a boot camp trainer for 12 weeks. $1,690. Nah.
Tuesday is my deadline to decide.
Moleskin book entry. A. get in to shape
B. join a gym.
C. Visit Boston (not related to entry above.)

RayFD introducted this title and it’s GREAT!!!

How do I know i’m in shape
1- I have a full range of motion in any position.
2- I can dance for 2hours. with out sitting or resting.
3- Am I too heavy or big for that doesn’t come to mind when a physical event is planned.
4- it doesn’t come to mind when ANY event is planned.

seems like there should be more.