grow spiritually

“Fix my spiritual life” makes it sound like a leaky faucet or something. I have no idea how one fixes a major spiritual void.

I struggle a lot with what Christianity has come to represent in the United States. It shouldn’t have an association with bigotry, or racism, or hate, but it does.

I lean pretty far left, so it’s hard for me to have conservative politics lumped in with my Sunday sermon. My husband insists on going to church (I’m like a child who whines and tries to get out of it, but I’m trying to stop, since I don’t want to mess with what he believes), and the one we’re going to now is better than a lot that I’ve been to, but I still have a hard time with it….

I don’t know.

that I only pray when I feel desperate. This is not good. When things are going well, it never occurs to me. It’s only when the credit card companies screw me over, and I blow a job interview, and I have to do something that makes me think, dear God, I can’t possibly do this, that I finally think: oh, right – God.

I’ve always had trouble seeing the big picture, when it comes to just about anything in my life. I get bogged down in little things that don’t really matter. So I don’t even think beyond material things and the physical world, most of the time.

I’m not quite sure how to fix this problem…I need to make this a priority, the way I do with exercising or job hunting.