work the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous

I am there.
i’m on 12.
i’m supposed to go over it soon!

5th step is done
workin on my 6 and 7 now

(pray!)

character defects:

ego- always saying “no” at work when someone asks me to do my chores, when i have no problem at all doing them. I do it because I don’t want to say yes all the time and actually be humbled. i think that everyone is out to get me because it’s all about me.

self-pity- i get frustrated and depressed and self-centered at work when my supervisor is watching because i’m just not good enough.

trying to complete this goal. like i said. it’ll never be finished.
even if i do all 12 i have to do all 12 again.
fuckers.

i want to knock this off my list, i want to be done with it
but i know i will never finish.. this is never a goal that will be done… unless i don’t want to stay sober.
i have to keep working it.

i read the 1st step last night in the 12&12. it scared me. am i one of those people that must go back out to see if i’m a true alcoholic? do i need to hit another bottom before i can practice these principles in all my affairs?

we’ll see. we’ll see.

I came clean with my sponsor. I haven’t picked it up in a week.
I did like… 15 minutes of it today.
I hate dealing with all my fears,
I hate thinking of all the people I have hurt.
Sometimes I hate it all and I just want to go home.

... a month later. I’m still working my 4th. Searching, yes. Fearless, not so much. Long. YES…

GRRRR.

I really hope that perhaps I can finish it soonish.

~Me.

... The back to basics course, it runs you through all 12 quite quickly.
... Then I did my first 5 again with a sponsor. Then the sponsor relapsed.
... I’m back at number one again!