stop picking my skin

pick and pick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel crazy compared to you guys

Sad

oh no. infection at my mouth again. WHY WHY WHY
can’t see i is because of picking. it’s at the lips again. becoming really worried!

picked and picked. i want to feel better i want to do better, look better, i wanna stop picking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and this infetion to go away, and stay gone!!!

can’t take anymore of this.

i

did it, alot, this morning!!!

sleept in that guys room, so sleept with my makeup on (stupid thing, but..) had felt a hard ‘bumb’ on my chin, so went ‘at it’ almost right when i got to my own room.
Had been thinking yesterday that it would help to tell that old friend, but doesn’t seem like it now.

I’m almost giving up hope! Done it for 15 years!
Must start at some therapy again.

is anyone taking medication of any sort? (ssri?)
i don’t feel like doing that. i don’t think it will help me, and tried it with many sideeffects..

I wish so badly i had fine skin, and DIDN’T pick. I’m ruining myself! Scors, scars, and probably getting wrinkels and looking old before my time, from all the stretching and pulling my skin..

What to do!!!!!!!!!!!!???

can’t keep doing this, picking myself up from the floor, every second, or every day.. or, it seems it’s all i do. It’s taking all my time, energy and thoughts. It’s taking my self esteem, gets me depressed and so on..

seriously, there must be something we can do, that REALLY helps, it’s not a good life, it really isn’t!!!!!

...looking bad!!.. picked lots today.. and, many other days..

told an old friend about my problems today, over msn, felt like a relief, hope it can somehow do some good. Maybe I should tell more people!?

seen some boy the past two weeks, seemed at first that he was really into me, but then he mentioned something about, maybe he felt more before he “scored”, (didn’t use those words, but you get the picture)
well, let’s see how it turns out, i’m not to sure it’s the love of my life, but he is a good boy:) and i’m tired of being alone. Though I feel like these fucking picking problems are creating so many problems for me, and makes it hard to be positive and go into relations with others, well, guess it’s been going okay, let’s see.

About my studies, isn’t doing nearly enough about that!!! Have to get in the game

and i’m moving, to live on my own. thinking it will be nice, though fearing it will be somewhat lonely. And you see, there’s both pros and cons about picking and livivng alone, fear the worst and hope hope hope the best

Now, i must get out of this room today , soon. Look bad! and really don’t have a huge desire to be seen by to many people, you all know those thoughts and feelings..but well.. now i’m just talking and talking..;)

Hope to do better!

my upper lip is infected again. (staph. infection) I can’t belive it or understand WHY it comes again. It’s a long story.

But i’ve picked for many many years, and doesn’t understand why i get this now. it started on my upper lip, and surely i’ve never picked my lips.

now i get antibitoc again. hopin it will help, and NOT!!!! come back again. Doesn’t look or feel good.
Didn’t leave my home today and haven’t been doing anything. Feeling very down. SHIT. can’t take it anymore. And this seems SO out of my hands

i don’t know if I’m to blame or what’s up.

yesterdays picking led to more (much more) picking this morning. i guess, cause it looked bad.. woke up scratching my fingeres.. stood up, looked in the mirrowm, picked and picked.

feel so bad now, can’t describe it. feel like going home or far away. can’t overcome the things i’m supposed to, feels like i can’t. so down.
look very bad! scores and open wounds all over..

afraid and sad that i cause premature ageing, from now and all the years of picking, pulling and so on. and infection
honestly don’t know what to do anymore

if i somehow get through this semester (which seems sressful, and somewhat unrealistic, ) i can’t wait for summerholiday, feels like i didn’t relax for 2 years (different reasons, long storie)
just want away from everything, from picking, looking like this, university, myself, this city,. but mostly, me life is ruined by the fact that i pick, so much..
it seems rather hopeless
must do something, but what.. seems i’ve tried many thing.. though it’s been along time since i’ve been having any help. lack of money and not having the right help offered..

wouldn’t even put a picture on here, you would get a chocked..

i did it, again, alot..

just read a ‘book’ i downloaded, through the skinpick.com (through dermatillomania group inhere)
and in some weird way, i did it after beginning reading about it, maybe because bad feelings and stress builds up, reading and thinking about it? or maybe “just” because i do it so often..

not a whole lot more to say now, later though..

i’ve had something called dermapeel in a clinic in Copenhagen about 2 years ago, and it really helped alot on my skin, it’s not as “unpure” as before. Anyway, she’s telling med that facesteambaths isn’t good for the skin. And not (overly anyway i guess?) exfoliating the skin. i’ve done lots of both during the last more than 10 years, mostly exfoliating, bot try not to do it as much now (mostly when i try to get rid og wounds before time, yeaks..:/). I have some kind of exfoliating cream that you put on at night, you don’t rub it around in your face, just apply it and that’s it.
Seems to be pretty good.

My good, i have picked and pick so much. I really really want to stop!

I REALLY REALLY WANT TO STOP!!!

i “use” it when stressed and sad, and it seems it doesn’t take much these days.

I really need to get a hold on myself, if I’m to get back on my feed (qoute t. dybdahl :)

it’s bad. i don’t want to go anywhere. my face really looks shitty. picked and picked. i don’t want to meet that guy i wrote about, he lives in the same building, using the same facilities,(clotheswash etc.) elevator and so on. looking like this, or even if i looked good.

my rooms a mess, and bathroom..
should declutter and clean, go buy some food, make my things for university, but it seemes i’m totally stuck, agsin. it makes me so mad at myself, sad and worried. wish i lived somewhere else, where i didn’t have to make up just to go in the kitchen (shared with others). and wish i had some help, from someone. but i’m on my own.
it’s not good

got dumped, by the same guy, again. it’s hard to get mad at him, when he says he knows he’s been acting foolish. just feel, sad! and I looked bad, my face looked bad, covered i scores and makeup, and now, ofcourse, I can’t help thinking, that I shouldn’t have talked to and seen him yesterday, because I looked like crap. Would rather have seen him, looking my best, and feeling okay. Now, there’s a part of me, that thinks he dumped it, because I look bad! rather been looking good, gettting dumped, :/
it’s been going on and of sins new years, i’ve tried to forget it , but he keept writing, now it’s definently over. Sad.
crap, we live in the same building, so can’t avoid seeing him.

picked last night, and again today.

sad. feel like a failure

should have keept up not wanting to see him, or anyway, seen him a night i felt and looked better. but it’s done now.

just haven’t meet anyone i liked in a long long time, and then it ends up like this.

have to somehow focus on university. everything is looking a mess in my room.

some part of me want’s to try and make i t better or see him, but that’s not an option. now. or, it probably never was. he’s not over his x, and has to travel away for 6 months soon. so. great.