Getting back into the swing of being more social with peers and whatnot. More willing to put myself out there—like I stayed after school for 3 hours to help set up for prom and… just started up again with joking around with classmates and stuff.
and a post some down before mine made me remember A line in a book called “Freewill” (Chris Lynch, I believe) that always stick out in my mind. It’s short but I think it’s awfully fitting of me:
“I realized I wasn’t alone. I was lonely. “
(or something close to that)
Had good friends throughout elementary school and middle school. Freshman year was alright. Sophmore year was pretty nice… And now, as Junior year begins to round off and prom is coming up, I’ve realised: I’ve cut myself off of everyone. I use to tell myself, They’ve all changed… But then I realised… I was the one that mostly changed, I think. I cut them off on my own free will. Became all quiet and withdrawn and…not-smiling and thinking “I’m surrounded by idiots.”
I’m not at all trying to be a sob-story, but I mean… I’m not going to prom even because I’d have no one to hang out with, really. I mean no “close circle” of friends at least. A good number of acquaintances and ‘semi-good friends’ but no actual like… people that’d I’d actually introduce as “friends” to strangers.
And those that I DO refer to as good friends… I only see them once in a while because we live such distances apart. But I do love it when we all get together again.
I think I’m too critical of people. I get annoyed too easily, I think. I’m fine with strangers. I’ll be bold and outgoing around strangers, even. I can be good and charming and have a great time… but once I start seeing MORE of that person, MORE soon becomes TOO MUCH. And TOO MUCH soon becomes… me picking them apart. I need to stop doing that!
I need a change. I think I’m just too use to those that I grew up with. I think I’m just getting sick of seeing the same faces day in and day out for the past decade. Just need to meet NEW people from NEW places with NEW outlooks and points of view and whatnot.