learn to let go

A couple of small things, but difficult for me to let go… Another book I was reading just wasn’t keeping my attention. I had to let it go only about a hundred or so pages into it. I probably should have done it sooner. My other exercise in letting go this week was to sell a bunch of video games that I’ve had for a very long time. I have been loath to part with them for reasons I don’t understand. I have not played them and the thought of actually finding the time to play them stresses me out. I figure this is a bad thing and they need to be cleaned out. They are for auction on ebay at this very moment. It feels rather good to get these things away from me.

An opportunity to practice “letting go” presented itself to me this weekend. I had a situation where a friend became angry with me and hurt by things that I said in the past. I am usually the kind of person that can’t stand having someone mad at them. I will beg, grovel and apologize profusely in an attempt to rectify the problem and fix the relationship as quickly as possible. Otherwise the thought that someone out there is angry with me eats at me day and night. In this situation, I sincerely apologized for hurting the person and asked for forgiveness. The things I said were true and unmalicious so what I did/said was not wrong. I still feel bad and wish the things I said hadn’t hurt the person but there isn’t much more I can do than apologize and be humbled by the situation. I’m not going to let the fact that the person is angry with me ruin my days and nights. They have a right to be angry and I should allow that. I should learn to let go.

This sounds like such a small thing but it’s actually big for me. I started a book that I am almost done with but it’s not keeping my attention and I don’t really feel like finishing it. Who says I have to! I’ve always told myself that there should not be a book out there that I’ve started but not finished. Why? I have spent a lot of wasted time finishing a bad book just to be able to feel like I’ve completed everything I’ve set my hands on. In some cases this is good, in others it’s an unnecessary burden. So, I am taking “The Red Hat” by John Bayley back to the library today, unfinished!

I just turned 26 and I feel like I am an uptight person. I tend to be strict with myself (of course never in the areas that I really do need self-discipline!) I’m the kind of person who has to finish a book once I start it, even if it’s the worst book in the world and I’m really just wasting my time reading it. I’m also the kind of person who can’t leave the house without making the bed and if I come home to a messy livingroom or even one dish in the sink, I feel depressed. I am a completist, it’s all or nothing, and I can see many areas and things in my life that have been affected negatively because of this. I want to be able to do “some”, not everything or nothing at all. I sometimes feel trapped because of this way of thinking I have. So, this year, I want to start with little things and just learn to let go.