move on

theres no need to argue
anymore
i gave all i could but
it left me so sore
and the thing that makes me mad
is the one thing that i had
i knew
i knew
id lose you
youll always be
special to me
special to me
to me
and i remember
all the things
we once shared
watching tv movies on the
living room armchair
but they say itll work out fine
was it all a waste time
cause i knew
i knew
id lose you
youll always be
special to me
special to me
to me

im doing really well at this, i think. i am certainly fine without her. im living an amazing life right now and theres not room for a serious relationship. my only concern is that i got accepted into the same university as her, to the same school within the university, to the same programme within the school. so well be seeing a lot of each other, and shes going to see me with other girls and im going to see her with other guys. but i think time will pass and i will no longer care at all.

im really, actually doing this. really now. ive met girls im interested in who are interested in me. ive realized that having lots of time to myself and to my thoughts is not a bad thing. life is still good.

i told my friend my life story today. it took over an hour of typing on aim and it felt really good to get out. id like to post it here but im afraid of who stalks my 43things page (although i doubt anyone i know in real life has found me on here but you know).

ugh so we just talked on the phone. im so fucking getting over this. anyways heres something:

“You spend so much of your time at the beach by the waves gluing little toothpicks together creating this enormous, beautiful sculpture, and it looks so pretty against the sun. You sit back and admire it, and think of how much of yourself you put into it, and just then an enormous wave reaches out across the sand and pounds down on it with a cold, giant, salty, indifferent fist and obliterates it like it was nothing. And you stand there, all shock and awe, as the wave innocently recedes and you’re left with a jumbled pile of sandy glue and broken toothpicks. Then you just have to shrug it off and continue walking alone along the shore.”

just when i was getting over her, i bumped into her on the street. i was at my new fundraising job, talking to my friend, and suddenly she appears before me. i was like “whoa” and we talked for a while. she seemed to want to get back together but who knows. shes going to call me on sunday. we probably wont end up together. im sick and tired and in a bad mood. blah.

im definitely failing at this. the pain is practically unbearable and i dont know what to do.

today, the woman and i broke up. after meeting during italy in the springtime, coming back together to the u.s. and having an amazing summer, after having to deal with the heartbreak of me going to china, and after coming back, we’re done. it’s over. so i want to move on.