stop being so insecure

tmm my bro is coming from usa and mom and dad are going to pick him up at the airport in mumbai.i dont wanna go.mainly
1. me and my brother havent talked to each other 3 years.
2.whenever we do talk ,we fought.
3.family is one place u want ur self to be as u r but wen i`m with my family its allways antime.they keep picking on me,that i dont kno this,i`m stupid and `m that.and the end result i`m frustrated ,more depressed and usually cry the entire night.i dont like it.i feel like runing away somewhere away from my family and vanishing from their lives once and forever and never coming back.just cant help this feling.
8 but i guess i have no choice i`ll have to go and bear with it.
9 i feel jealous and hurt seeing mom,dad and bro together and me taggin along in the back.feels like i`m with strangers.i dont want that.i`m so so in the mood to scream leave me alone.dont do this but cant.but i guess when i`ll get a job and start earning i `ll get a place of my own and work hard,party harder and stay away from all these things that hurt me,i`m going to motivate myself right now to work hard for that dream to come true.even if i`m alone then i`ll atleast make most of that by doing things i want and not to think if mom will allow me or nt i`m gonna buy al thse things usefull or not which i feel lke.i can do it.i `m worth that and i`ll work hard for it.-srushti