get off probation

as of April…after one year of clean law abiding living. I can’t say it’s changed my ways much. Time for a new goal

now to just wait….? My life has become so boring at least the class was something to do on a Wednesday night to get out of the house. Yikes. I really have got to address this!!

of my final obligation, I hope for probation, aside from random drug screening. I get to attend four weeks of two hour marijuana education classes. Not too bad. Interesting to explore life now, and how I am coping with not being able to smoke weed after having it as a part of life for the last 15 years basically. It’s been a challenge. I wonder if I will go back to it. I do appreciate this time to explore why I use it and if it is a meaningful and/or healthy part of my life…

I’ve struggled with stress managent, where I’d normally reach for weed. I’ve struggled with feeling unable to open up creatively where I’d normally smoke and at least believe that it allowed me to become more creative.

The same with drinking, missing it to take the edge off from a stressful or tiring day. I would say that absolutely in the long run drinking has been more volatile a habit for me. Generally I had been able to drink in a healthy way, have a few or even more than a few and be fine but there have been times where I have or would have driven drunk and that is terrifying to me. I cannot allow myself to fall into those types of behaviors again. With over drinking too, like at the beginning of my relationship with J, it kept me from functioning well, from getting things done, certainly more of a tuning out thing…falling into habits and probably wanting to numb the emotions of dealing with my mother’s passing and the stress of the changes I’‘d made in my life. MJ never hindered my life in a serious way short of making me a bit unmotivated at times….

Food for thought certainly. It is somewhat helpful now that I’m pregnant and wouldn’t be using any substances anyhow…

than J, in terms of classes and obligations. He is obligated to 5 different appt. each week!! I still stress on blowing off these appointment because I do not want to get violated.

I have a MADD impact panel, an 8 hour drug education class on my son’s b-day :( and 4 marijuana education classes sometime in August.

What can they tell me about marijuana that could possibly require 4 classes??!!

Then, provided all of my drug screens are clean (they will be) I should have no more drug education type stuff. Hopefully.

That, along with the random urinalysis and checking in with my PO. My fees are paid so I don’t have to worry about that. It was taken from my bond money. 10 more months to go…...............