Stop caring what other people think of me

I felt rebellious today. When I was driving in my car (I just got my license yesterday!) I blared the radio and danced like a crazy person. And had a blast. I’ve found that doing stuff that you’d otherwise be embarassed doing makes me feel alive and happy.

Well, I’ve come to the realization that in order to truely not care what other people think of me I have to take off goals I put up that are based off looking better in other’s eyes. So, I’m deleting the ‘lose weight’ goal. I’m okay with my body. Sure, I’m not thin, but size 12’s aren’t too bad. I’m going to focus on just being healthier: more water, vitamins, excersise. But losing weight is not something I’m going to think about, because I really only wanted to do it to be beautiful to other people. But I am beautiful, whatever shape or size, and if people can’t accept that, then that’s their loss. I am who I am, and nothing’s going to change that.

It’s still hard with my insecurity about my weight, but I’ve been concentrating on just doing my own thing and talking myself out of thinking about what other people are thinking about me. I’ve definitely had some improvement.

This is harder than I thought it would be. I’ve been going through a hard time, so I decided to lighten up my course load. I want to drop AP U.S. to go to regents and drop PreCalc. But if I do that, I’ll only be in regents, and there is a stereotype that the people who aren’t in advanced courses are stupid. I’ve tried to talk myself into just not caring what they think of me, that it’s wrong. But I know even my friends will put up a fuss and keep asking me questions. It sucks really. But I know despite all this, I just have to suck it up and do what’s right for me. Because it isn’t about the kids at school. I’ve got to do what’s right for my future, and if people don’t accept that, that’s their problem. I just have to keep thinking that over and over till I believe it.

This has always been a big problem for me. It’s stopped me from being who I really am, acting like I really want, and just living life. This year I’m going to try to just do my own thing and just shut out the opinions of others. And maybe over time it’ll just be natural for me to just do whatever I feel like and not worry all the time about what other people think.