To those of you who have offered me encouragement and words of support, thank you! I am far from miserable about this…I just recognize it as a problem and I’d rather feel emotionally (and physically) healthy, so I’m trying to sort through it.
My therapist and I talked about it last week. We did a really interesting exercise and touched on what this might be about. I’m interested in continuing to explore this with her. Basically, this is likely about having control for me. I won’t go into all the details of when it started, etc. but It’s likely about me trying to have control over something in my life, especially at times like the past year or two when so much of my life has felt so totally out of my control.
It’s interesting…I never would have looked at it that way. I mentioned it to one of my best friends and she said, “Yeah, I can totally see that.”
Hopefully I am on my way to resolving this…. :)
This is kind of a rhetorical goal, since I have only ever truly been “skinny” for about two weeks out of my entire life. But I do have to admit that I have a problem. I was looking at some old pictures the other night and recognized that, at times when I thought I was fat and needed to lose weight, I in fact looked just fine. And now that I have begun to lose weight again (because, of course, I think that I need to), I want to be aware of what I really look like, and what is healthy, because I don’t want to become one of those too-skinny women that look more like a bobble-head doll than anything else.
I can zip up that size 4 dress I wanted to fit into a while ago. It’s snug, but it fits. It will probably look fantastic in another 5 lbs. When it starts to feel roomy, I need to start eating cheesecake again! I know this, but yet I have these thoughts of “my face is still too chubby…I would look amazing in another 15 lbs.”
It makes me sad. I feel like I’m such a smart girl, and I really should know better, and I don’t know where it comes from.
I should probably talk to my therapist about this.
...will do wonders for this goal. Carrot cake, Italian cream cake, pound cake, fried chicken, mashed potatoes…um, the list goes on and on. I’m afraid to step on the scale when I get home tomorrow.
I have lost some weight in the past week, and I’m now at the lowest weight I’ve been in a long time. I would still like to lose another 10-12 lbs. However, the past few times I’ve hit this weight in the past, I dunno—I’ve gone mental and totally sabotaged myself. Wait a minute…why is it that the word “sabotage” begins with sab?! Anyway, I am really challenging myself to NOT freak out and eat six chocolate chip cookies and a double bacon cheeseburger this week. I have to stay on track! I’m especially in danger of overeating after my shoot is over since I will likely feel like I “deserve” to have something extra yummy. That’s bullsh*t, pardonez mon français.
I deserve to be happy with my body.
I am still a long way from being too skinny, but I also am a ways from being in shape. Why is it so freaking hard??
Let’s just say I am succeeding with this goal better than I want to! :(
I really don’t think I have to worry about this one too much. I have struggled with weight my whole life. However, I realize now that sometimes when I was trying to lose weight and I thought I was fat, I really did look fine. I will never have the body of a VS swimwear model, but geez, there was a period of time when I was about 15 lbs lighter than I am now (see photo), and I still thought I needed to lose weight. What the heck was I thinking?!
I have lost about 7 lbs in the past few weeks, and as I start kicking up my training for my half marathon, I hope to lose a few more pounds (I do have some really cute size 2/4 clothes I’d love to be able to wear again). However, I worry that I have a mild case of body dysmorphia, and I don’t want to lose sight of what my body really looks like and become too skinny. I’d rather be a little plump than too skinny…seriously! It’s just so blasted hard to find a happy medium, especially if you’re like me and you have to work SO FREAKING HARD to get to a point where you’re like, okay, I’m actually not a HUGE COW.
What worries me is that I can look back on this photo and think, hot damn, I was skinny! But at the time, and now this sounds so ridiculous to me, but at the time, I still wanted to lose another 5-7 lbs. From where?! I really think I have a problem with seeing my body as it really is…and it scares me a teeny bit. :(