Quit Smoking

April 30th, 2007

picked up my prescription for zyban.

it begins.

amazing that i gave up really trying for that long.

dropped of my prescription for zyban.

got home to find out that my aunt has cancer, probably due to smoking. some more leverage, that i wouldn’t mind giving back.

yes, quite a while.

got a prescription for zyban. gotta work out the money to get it filled, then pick a quit date. sometime this month ideally.

back from vegas. had used that as an excuse to stop trying for a while. but i’m committed to not using the next event as an excuse, whatever that may be. new date. sunday. why not?

didn’t realize how hard i took it. breaking like i did. how so much of what was consiously emoted earlier was pretend confidence. telling myself. knowing what would inevitably happen; small pictures in the back of my mind. so where to go from here? and how do i assure change? figure this out.

ginger chews

too much time spent thinking, anything to quiet the noise. other methods shall be developed. going through this shit again. one day at a time.

today has been rough. worst day so far. cravings all day, thoughts lingering. need to work on some Neuro-Associative Conditioning or i will eventually dwell too long; thats what’s happened in the past. walked by somone who had just smoked a cigarette, smells bad. hadn’t noticed in a while. i think a lit cigarette will always smell like heaven, has since i was 8. is there anyway to appreciate the smell without wanting to inhale it? NAC confusion. one more day.

sucessfull so far (day 2). this has been much more difficult than staying sober or the milken diet (which this is technically a part of). I will consider this complete if I make it to june without a cigarette.