not take things so personally

There’s been a lot of turbulence recently, but I think I came out of it pretty well and, very importantly, did not take it personally. I’m much less reactive now to the push and pull of other people. Which makes me calmer and able to think and see more clearly in emotional situations. I’m also more alert on picking up on other people’s manipulations and when they’re trying to foist their problems and issues onto me (whether they do that consciously or unconsciously), so I’m less disturbed by it and don’t waste time or energy trying to figure it out too much.

When you know who you are and what you’re doing and why and you haven’t done anything wrong, then other people’s BS really sticks to them no matter how much they try to throw it around and you don’t take it in, it just bounces off. I’m very pleased about this development in myself because I was much more sensitive and not so self-aware in the past.

It seems the more I don’t take things so personally, the more clearly I see other people. Basically, by doing this, I’m much less focused on myself and thinking less about myself and paying more attention to others, which means I understand them better. I find it also makes me more confident. It can really sometimes be the other person who is shy and not me.

I think I interpret other people’s behaviour too often as being somehow related to me. When I give myself some credit and don’t doubt too much whether or not I’m normal, I see that it can often be the other person behaving strangely for reasons of their own rather than because I’m weird or something, e.g. I spoke to my mother-in-law for a few minutes on the phone today. I’ve only met her a few times and am still getting to know her and I tried to make easy, friendly conversation. She seemed uncomfortable, like she didn’t know what to say. There was a time when getting this kind of feedback would have made me feel insecure, but this time I thought – no, I was friendly and open and she was the one who didn’t go for it, for reasons of her own, not because there’s something wrong with me. Later when I asked my husband, he said that she’s often like that in general. Another example from today – I called someone (I don’t know her so well) who ended the conversation with something like “I think that’s enough for you right now”, like I can’t handle talking to her or something and she doesn’t want to stress me out. Before, I would have worried about this, but this time my reaction inside was more like, “ok, if you think I’ve had enough of you, whatever, let’s end the conversation”. I didn’t really care about how she was interpreting me and I’m still fine with talking to her again. I leave it up to time and when and if she really gets to know me better to care what she thinks.