Keep in Better Contact With the Friends I Have and Make New Friends

It has been a really long time since I’ve had a cool female friend.

Most of the people I’ve met since moving here have been men. Not that they aren’t fun, it’s just that there are times when a good girlfriend would come in handy.

I was friendly with my former co-worker, a self-proclaimed alcoholic sociopath manipulator, but obviously she wasn’t someone I could trust with anything personal.

I miss the girls from my younger days. We knew each other so well. We shared everything. We never thought twice about helping each other – no matter what it was. We could talk about anything – good and bad. Sometimes we might hurt each other’s feelings but if we ever disagreed, it wasn’t long before we were together again, laughing. It just seemed so easy.

As I’ve gotten older, I feel a sense of discomfort when I’m around new people. I’m kind of quiet and it’s not easy for me to open up right away, which might give off the wrong signals. I often feel like I’m catching everyone in the middle of their life and they’re busy with boyfriends and husbands and children. How do I meet someone like me without seeming weird?

My other ex boyfriend and I seem to be telepathically connected. We can go long periods without speaking but he always calls when I need him to make me laugh (or right around our mutual birthdays). He said he’s planning to get married. That’s three exes now who are permanently off the market. I’m happy for them but I also felt strange being the straggler…and then I wonder if there’s something wrong with me (shut up). Then it ebbed into relief when I remembered that there were specific things about them that I couldn’t deal with, or chose not to. So I’m glad to not have what I wouldn’t want.

My friend found me on MySpace this morning. We lost contact when I moved. She had a baby last month. I got to see photos and learn that she gave the baby my name for a middle name. I had no clue she thought of me. It was really touching and it was good to catch up.

I also talked to two of my ex boyfriends today. One told me he going to be a dad, which was shocking since he always hated children. The other one is now married and lives in D.C. but we try to talk often. They both really cheered me up.

I’ll never do this. It’s not in my nature. My interest in most things, unfortunately, is fleeting.